Episode 13: Invisible Illnesses

Our first self-quarantined podcast! (And honestly, we’re pretty proud of how well we did.) We each get comfy in our own homes (extra comfy in a closet for Nicole) to dig into the oddly timely topic of invisible illnesses, how prevalent they actually are and how hard they can be for others to understand.

Danie tells us about some of the weird responses she’s gotten from people who just don’t get what type 1 diabetes is all about, and Nicole and Carrie share how difficult it can be to carry on a normal day while dealing with mental health struggles. 

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Show Notes and Resources:

Listen, then email us at womenafpodcast@gmail.com or hit us up on the socials and share your own experiences, or give us some more suggestions on appropriate and helpful ways to respond to others’ invisible illnesses (Carrie doesn’t want to sound like an insensitive idiot). 

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Women AF is produced by Mortar Box Media and Engineered by Adam Rostad. 

Intro and Outro Music is SQZ by Shane Ivers. Check him out at silvermansound.com.

 

 

Transcript for Episode 13: Invisible Illnesses

Please note: this transcript is for anyone who needs to or would prefer to use a transcript than listen to the episode. We do our best but please excuse errors in the transcript. 

Unknown Speaker 0:00
This is a mortar box media podcast for more podcasts and to learn how we can help you create your own. Visit mortar box media.com

Danie 0:17
Welcome to Women AF podcast a podcast hosted by three quarantine friends who are doing our best to make life normal while in self-isolation. I'm your host Danny and today I am joined virtually by Carrie.

Carrie 0:33
Hello,

Danie 0:34
and Nicole.

Nicole 0:35
That's me.

Danie 0:36
Who's hiding in a closet

Nicole 0:38
Yeah, literally.

Danie 0:42
Um, yeah, as you can imagine, our sound quality will be different today because we are all recording from our own separate houses. So bear with us as we try to keep producing podcasts under, you know, different circumstances. That being said, How are you both holding up under your self-quarantine?

Carrie 1:08
Oh, it's been challenging.

Nicole 1:11
Yeah, pretty much.

Carrie 1:14
It's just the working full time from home with children at home. It's a god. I'm struggling I really am.

Nicole 1:26
And Carrie, you have legit like school age children, right?

Carrie 1:30
Yeah, children that I feel should be spending their days like learning and actually doing math problems and, and working on their phonics and it's stressing me out that that's not what's going on.

Danie 1:45
You're just keeping it day by day. Hmm.

Carrie 1:48
hour by hour, I would say.

Nicole 1:52
Well, aren't we I mean, yeah, everybody.

Carrie 1:56
I know it's true, like every meme or like little video I see out there about you know, working at home with kids is basically saying the same thing. So I know I'm I'm not alone. I'm not failing miserably all by myself. We're all failing together.

Nicole 2:13
This is true. Yeah.

Carrie 2:15
It's the best way to fail.

Danie 2:16
Failing forward, right? Isn't that a book?

Nicole 2:21
I thought it is failing fast. Isn't that like a book? Fail fast and fail hard or something like that?

Danie 2:27
I think. Sure. I think so. I believe you. How are you handling everything, Nicole. Okay.

Nicole 2:40
So far. So far, so good on my end. I'm pretty sure so right now my daycare is open, but I'm pretty sure that is going to not be the case. Soon. I feel like someone's going to get sick or something's going to happen. And when that happens, I don't know how I'm gonna get work done and watch the kids at the same time. I've no idea.

Carrie 3:09
Yeah. Doing it with toddlers. I don't even know if that's possible.

Danie 3:13
Yeah, it's not. I don't know. Yeah, Nicole, I'm, you know, I'm in the similar situation. Our daycare is still open, who knows for how long. It's a really small daycare, so, and she's taking a lot of precautions. So right now we're comfortable keeping the kids there. But I mean, Daniel is really concerned for me, just you know, being type one being on the high risk list. I have pretty much only left the house to drop the kids off at daycare. Other than that, I have been in this house for two weeks. So

Nicole 3:55
what are you doing with your like, How do you stay sane

Danie 4:01
One thing I've been doing is I set a note. So I write a schedule for every day during the week, Monday through Friday while I'm at work. And on my schedule every hour to hour and a half, I put, like, move, to just remind myself to like, get up from the computer and do something, whether it's like something like exercise or like, you know, 15 minutes yoga, or whatever, or just like, start pacing around the house or something, but just to like, try to change the scenery a little bit. I'm pretty sure everyone at work is recognizing how loopy I'm getting on conference calls.

Nicole 4:41
Awww

Danie 4:45
you know, but today, it's a pretty nice day. So we might go for a walk this afternoon after the kids get up from their nap just to like, see the outside world and then you know, run to the other side of the street. If we see people

Nicole 5:00
Just run away. You know?

Danie 5:03
Yeah, you

Carrie 5:04
Yeah, you got to get out. You got to get some fresh air my friend.

Danie 5:07
Yeah, it's been, you know, I, I have, you know investigated every corner of my house What's over here? What's in this box I haven't opened in a year.

Nicole 5:21
Oh, have you fixed your bike yet Could you go for a bike ride?

Danie 5:25
Well, we haven't. And we would have to take it to a bike shop which obviously we can't do right now. Anyway. True. True. No. So we're just gonna do a walk though. novas bike work, so we might let her ride her bike up and down the path while we're walking.

Carrie 5:43
That'd be nice.

Danie 5:44
Yeah, the kids are going absolutely crazy.

Carrie 5:50
Yeah, the same with my son in particular. I don't. I don't. I said to my husband. I hope he's not like this at school normally because he's just bouncing off the walls and. and loud and jibberish is coming out his mouth. I don't even know what's happening with him.

Danie 6:08
Yeah.

Nicole 6:09
Jibberish? Is coming out of his mouth? Oh, no.

Carrie 6:12
100% jibberish.

Nicole 6:15
I think that's that's not good.

Carrie 6:17
He's losing it!

Nicole 6:20
Oh dear. Yeah.

Danie 6:23
Yesterday, yesterday Nova said to me, she goes, Hey, are we getting ready to go somewhere? And I was like, No, we have to stay inside today and she goes, Ohhhhh, ... I was like you were just in daycare yesterday. Like it's only been one day for you.

Carrie 6:44
She's not gonna last long here.

Danie 6:47
Like, I don't know what we're gonna do if we have to have both of them home.

Carrie 6:51
You just got to get outside and just have her run, run around.

Danie 6:55
Yeah.

Nicole 6:59
Yeah. In our neighborhood, we have tons of kids running around, especially her age, and that's been heartbreaking for me is she looks out the window and she sees like our neighbors playing. They have three boys. They're playing in like their front yard. And she goes, Oh, my friends. They want to say hi and play with me so bad.

Carrie 7:21
Ohhhh

Nicole 7:21
I'm like, oh, you're right. Oh, like I don't know how to teach her about this

Carrie 7:30
Yeah, it's really hard. You cannot explain it.

Nicole 7:33
No, no, no, so weird.

Carrie 7:35
Yeah. Does it? Can she like go outside and run around? Or is she just

Nicole 7:43
Yeah, Jared's really good about taking them on walks? Yeah, like that helps. Yeah, she's learning her bike. But it's it's really hard because when you see kids you you want to like actually let them play Yeah but you can't so that's really hard.

Carrie 8:02
Definitely. Have you has your neighborhood been doing? Like, I don't know what they're calling it, but it's like chalk sidewalk chalk art.

Nicole 8:13
I've been seeing a little bit of that. Yeah.

Carrie 8:16
To like uplift people's spirits as they take walks around the neighborhood and stuff like that.

Nicole 8:22
Yeah. And artwork in the windows. I've seen that too.

Carrie 8:25
Yep. Yeah, that's a thing. We should work on that this week. That might be our art project this week. There you go. Yeah, but Maya and I went out today and did a nice message for anyone walking past. We drew a nice spring scene and Maya wrote Have a nice day and then we drew like a sun and a robin, bugs and butterflies and stuff. So that was fun. And the best was my goes, Hmm, I want to write something else. How about, hope you don't get the corona virus. I was like, Let's save that for later. Maybe later.

Nicole 9:06
That's awesome. Yeah.

Danie 9:09
Oh man. Well On that note, let's take a quick break and then we'll get right into our topic for the day.

Carrie 9:16
Hey, everybody, go check out the other mortar box media podcast Chill Filtered, where they drink whiskey, talk whiskey, and hope their love of spirits lifts yours.

Danie 9:29
And we're back. So today. This is actually a topic that I've wanted to do for a while I make it sound like we've been doing this for so long, but it's a topic that's really important to me. And I think the timing is really, it just you know, timing's good. So, the topic of today is invisible illness. And for people who are unaware of what an invisible illness is, this could be a physical illness, Type One Diabetes it could be like a chronic pain type of illness, PCOS, gastritis, etc. It could be a mental illness, depression anxiety, postpartum, bipolar, etc. And I'm just in this conversation I'm going to probably refer to mental health as mental health but you know, just throwing it out there mental health is a part of health so we're only, I'm just going to separate it just to keep the conversation. Just to just because like when I keep highlighting that mental health is a part of invisible illnesses, but anyway, the reason that it feels like it's a really timing wise a big deal right now is the week before we all went. We all started self isolating and we everyone was working from home so the week before when we are all at work at the office. I cannot tell you You How many people said to me? Oh, well, this only affects old people and people with a compromised immune system. And I was like brah, that's me. Like you're talking to a person with a compromised immune system. And it made me feel two things very strongly. The first is that old people and people with a compromised immune system are not disposable. So it's like, not talk about us like we are. And the other thing is, it just made me realize how many people look at me or people with a chronic illness of any type. And, like, forget that we have it, you know, because for the most part, I think we all try to live life as normally as possible and quote unquote, normally as possible, or to be able to function in the world as best as we can without being like, you know, someone who's looked at as like someone who's just You know what I mean?

Carrie 12:01
Of course.

Danie 12:02
Um, so that being said, I think that we've all probably had a lot of experience either with ourselves personally, you know, mental illness, depression, postpartum depression, anxiety, chronic illness, etc. Where it's impacted our daily lives. I just kind of wanted to talk about Have either of you personally had those types of experiences or do you have anyone close to you that has dealt with those type of things?

Carrie 12:34
Are we talking about mental illness specifically right now?

Danie 12:38
Either either mental or any type of invisible illness?

Carrie 12:45
Yeah, I mean, I've had my bouts with depression and anxiety for sure.

Danie 12:56
Yeah. And how do you feel like that impacts your day to day. And I'm just trying to function at you know, going to work raising kids, you know?

Carrie 13:13
Yeah, it's it makes it, it's near impossible, you know, to do it and do it well. And um yeah, I don't know.

Unknown Speaker 13:30
And, I mean, I have to. I battled with depression, PTSD, and I don't know, probably anxiety. But what I think the hardest part is no one really knows what's happening. So you have to pretend and you have to, like, put on this face because you don't actually have like a bleeding sore that people can be like, Oh, how you doing? I see, it's bleeding again. That sucks. Like no one can tell that. Oh, my depression is pretty bad right now. That sucks. You know what I mean?

Carrie 14:02
Yeah, it definitely feels like you have to fake your way through a lot of things. Mm hmm. And feels really not genuine. And makes it even more odd and awkward and isolating, I think.

Danie 14:19
Yeah. And, and I feel like when you talk about it, you get kind of mixed -- I'll speak for myself, I guess I feel like whenever I've talked about it, I get like this mixed bag response. You either have the people who you know, are trying to come in, like, swoop in and fix your problem, right? Have you tried eating more kale? Did you know cinnamon cures diabetes, or whatever? Like I've heard all of those. Or then you have the people who are like, Oh, no, it'll be okay. Like, you know, don't worry about it. It's not that big of a deal. And then those people like it feels very dismissive. Or you have the people who are like Uh, oh my goodness, why do you have to complain all the time? Like, I feel like they're just, but then if you don't talk about it, they're like, Well, why don't you talk about it more? It's like, I feel like it's almost a lose, lose. Whether you talk about it or you don't talk about it.

Carrie 15:14
Yeah, people, I think it all, it's all about empathy, right? Like, I think most of the problems in our world come down to a lack of empathy. And, you know, it's just, it's, it's kind of understandable. If you haven't experienced it, you don't know it. And, obviously, nothing, you know, they don't intend to be dismissive or insensitive. But man, people need to just start using their head to realize other people are going through things that they don't understand. Just Just take people for, for what they're saying. on its face. Like, if they say they're miserable, they're miserable. So Don't tell them to go outside and get some exercise or something like that, you know?

Danie 16:03
Right, right. And I think sometimes it is even just about being acknowledged for the effort it takes to function day to day. Like if you think about say, I don't know, going to dinner for example, okay, like somebody with depression or anxiety, like there's a lot of effort in just getting to the restaurant, right? Just physically getting ready. leaving the house I mean, that takes an extraordinary amount of effort or like, for me, going to a restaurant could be like a landmine for my blood sugar. So it's like, Okay, I have to thank you know, how many carbs are in this because in a restaurant though, a lot of times add sugar to things. So it's a lot of guesswork. And then if I'm wrong, like I could be battling my blood sugar for like, the next day, and then I'll feel like crap and, you know, so then there's a lot of like that or, you know, you have somebody who with chronic pain, you know, again, like just getting to the restaurant, just sit Getting through dinner can be a serious amount of effort. Have either of you ever heard about the Spoon Theory?

Nicole 17:10
No.

Carrie 17:12
Yes, but just refresh my memory.

Danie 17:16
And I we can link in the show notes to the original poster because off the top of my head I can't remember her name. But it started off as a blog. And it was this woman was trying to describe to one of her friends what it felt like to live with a chronic illness, her illness in particular. And they were at a restaurant. So she grabbed a bunch of spoons, and she handed her friend like, I don't remember exactly how many so I'll just make up these numbers. She handed her friend like 10 spoons, and then she handed and then she took seven and she said to her friend, okay, now imagine every activity you do During the day requires a spoon. So, you know taking a shower, that's a spoon. Getting ready for work is another spoon. If you've got to get your kids ready for school, that's another spoon, going to work in sitting through meetings, that's a spoon making dinner, that's a spoon and like so she just went through and as they were going through this exercise, because she had less spoons as somebody with chronic illness, she ran out of spoons, you know, before they finished walking through the day of like, kind of your standard daily activities. And she's like a lot of people with chronic illness. Or, you know, especially like if fatigue is part of your illness as a side effect like then you even have less spoons, right, but each person has a different amount of spoons depending on what they're going through physically or mentally or whatever. And so, sometimes people have to decide I don't have enough spoons today to take a shower and make a healthy dinner. So I have to pick one. You know, and I think that that's probably the best analogy I've ever heard because like, there are a lot of days where I'm like, Okay, if I work out today, I know that that is going to physically wear me out. And so that means I have to, you know, not do this other thing I was planning on doing.

Nicole 19:31
Mm hmm. Interesting. I've never heard of that. That's a good analogy.

Danie 19:36
I think it helps people who don't experience this understand, like why people make the decisions that they make when they're dealing with chronic illness. Or invisible illnesses.

Nicole 19:50
Yeah, totally.

Danie 19:55
And I think, you know, one thing like for me, in particular is it's like, I don't want anybody to look at me like I'm sick. But at the same time, like, I've been in situations where I am sick. And it's like I don't it's, for example, I've been in meetings where my blood sugar drops really low. And when it gets to a certain point, I start acting like I'm drunk. That's actually a symptom of hypoglycemia.

Carrie 20:33
I've seen that.

Danie 20:35
Yeah, so you start sweating? Well, it's it's symptoms can be a little different per person. But for me, it's all starts sweating. I'll start slurring my words. I have a hard time pulling out full sentences in my head. Like I can't actually think of responses to people's questions. You start stumbling. I used to actually carry a card with me that said, I'm not drunk. I am having low sugar give me something to eat. Yeah. Oh, nice. Yeah, it was a it was a medical card that they actually gave me a doctor's office. Um, but I've been in meetings where my blood sugar will suddenly drop. And I'll have to be like, how do I excuse myself from this meeting? without calling too much attention to it? And how do I go quickly find sugar, and I usually keep glucose tabs on me or like some type of, you know, emergency sugar or whatever. Mm hmm. But, you know, then people are like, and then it's not like immediate fix. So I'm probably going to miss the whole meeting. Right? And so, like, it's that those mods can be frustrating because it's like, I don't want people to look at me like I'm sick at the same time. Like, I have to deal with this, like right now.

Nicole 21:47
Mm hmm. What is your Well, what's the worst response that you've gotten? Like out of because you kind of mentioned a bunch of responses that you get What do you think is the worst that you've gotten?

Danie 22:06
Usually like an in person response. The worst is that people are like, What is your problem? Like, I've had people think like, I'm drunk or something's, like I'm just being really weird. So there's like that's happened in person. But usually after I'm better than I can just explain what happened, but I have had, you know, everyone on mine is an expert in whatever. And I think the most frustrating response, Yeah, of course. Everyone's an expert in diabetes that doesn't have it or know anyone who does, but it's fine. worse in direct response I got and I think I've told both of you this story before. And it wasn't even directed at me, but I it was such an upsetting experience. Like it still bothers me. I actually stopped being Facebook friends with this person, but She had posted this like infographic and I use that term loosely because there was, you know, no references to anything that would back up anything that was being said, but one of the things was like, Hey, if you're on, you know, this medication, you should do this other thing instead. So I think Metformin, which is like a diabetic medication, they were like, you just need to drink iced tea and dark leafy greens and get more sunshine and then you don't need that medication anymore.

Carrie 23:35
That seems very logical. Pretty sure that's legitimate.

Nicole 23:41
Yeah, yeah, definitely.

Danie 23:44
I mean, I was like, I was so upset by it that I had to stop being her friend because I was like, This is such dangerous advice. And there was like other things like thyroid medication that was on there. And I'm like, if you tell people to stop taking this, like, you know, they could get really sick and or die because You know, seems like these are important medications.

Carrie 24:06
I mean, hopefully everyone just knew she was ridiculous. Right?

Danie 24:11
I hope so. They must. I hope nobody stopped taking I mean, I hope nobody stopped taking their medication like I'm just gonna hang out outside more. Yeah. I've gotten a bunch of those responses. And those are the ones that I think make me the most upset for obvious reasons. Yikes. Or no, just try my, you know, this supplement that I'm selling or this shake that I'm selling and it will cure you of all of your ailments.

Carrie 24:47
snake oil.

Danie 24:49
Yeah. And you know, I'll make a nice commission.

Nicole 24:53
happen to have it. Right.

Danie 24:57
And I just happened to sell this. Yeah. Jeez. So when either of you were experiencing or your depression or PTSD or postpartum or whatever, what do you think the most helpful thing somebody could have done for you would have been?

Nicole 25:21
That's a good question.

Carrie 25:23
It I feel like it kind of depended on the day. Because some days, the best thing anyone could have done was leave me alone. Mm hmm. Other days the best thing was they could talk to me for a couple hours. Just and you know, keep me company and, and kind of just be like, you got this and it will turn out okay, and just give me a little bit of a positive outlook. It just really depends on the day. So I guess I guess the best thing is someone to actually listen to what you say you want in that moment? Mm hmm. Because a lot of people do have unsolicited advice that they'll give or just approach you with the wrong message. not helpful. Yeah, they just gotta listen to you and what you need.

Nicole 26:22
And it depends on the situation too where like, I know for me, I have really bad PTSD. And when I'm in those situations, and it happens again, I, a lot of times I need somebody to either just leave me alone or just to come over and say it's okay. And that's it. Like, understand that, what, you know, what happened, what I'm going through, and then just kind of be there. And that's it. That's all you really need to do.

Carrie 26:54
Yeah, just a non non judgmental, completely non judgmental approach.

Nicole 27:00
Right. Yeah. In a non awkward, my, the response I really don't like is whenever you share, like what you're going through and then people are like, ohhhh, and then they're awkward around you for like, a month. Yeah, like okay, I didn't share that just to be awkward. Come on.

Danie 27:21
Like I'm the same person you knew there's just this additional facts about me that you didn't know.

Unknown Speaker 27:28
Yeah, some people are just ill equipped to handle that kind of information when it's just -- I feel like everyone's got something you know, everyone's got something. Yeah, they can share that's some sort of a hidden illness or mental issue or something. Yeah, no, it's not awkward. It's just a fact of life, everybody.

Danie 27:51
Yeah. And that actually goes back to like, you know, the original thing where were they were talking about, you know, It's you know, coronavirus only really affects people, you know, older with a compromised immune system, whatever. I was thinking, you know, there's probably a lot more people in your life that fits those categories, then you actually realize

Carrie 28:15
definitely.

Danie 28:17
Because I think most people I think carrie, I think you're right, like everyone's got something right. Everyone's got something they're dealing with. It may or may not create a compromised immune system, but I think it's, you know, there's definitely a lot of invisible illness going around that.

Carrie 28:33
Yeah, I mean, a lot of things fall into that category. A lot of things do. I'm thinking of like, even my sister's gonna love that I'm mentioning this, but she has IBS. And I'm just thinking about all the times she just kind of had to bail on a situation, you know?

Danie 28:53
Yeah, absolutely.

Carrie 28:54
Or she couldn't do something because her tummy was doing things and You know, that's very a very common thing.

Danie 29:04
Yeah, I have a quite a few friends with some type of, you know, gi issue. Yeah. And that's, you know, and and we are also really weird about like, just illness in general and I feel like like you were saying, Nicole like people suddenly treat you so strange. And it's like, Listen, don't worry about it. This is my These are my intestines.

Nicole 29:33
Like it's fine. What's really funny. It was really funny as I'm pretty sure I was one of those people for like the first you know, 25 years of my life. I was that awkward person that was like, oh, okay, yeah. And like, avoid them for the next month.

Carrie 29:55
And why was that.

Nicole 29:57
I think it's more of like, you don't Know how to help, like, yeah, you you get this information and then no one tells you what to say or no one tells you. Every person is different. So I don't know, the best. The best advice I've gotten is whenever someone's going through a situation, don't give advice. Don't say the cliche things just say like, this sucks. And that, like acknowledge that holy moly. This sucks. I'm here for you. And that's it. Like, don't say it's gonna get better. Don't say. Like, it'll all work out. Like just say it sucks. That's it.

Carrie 30:37
Yeah, I think that's good advice. Yeah.

Danie 30:41
Yeah, especially cuz sometimes it doesn't get better, right? Like, yeah, something somebody is diagnosed with or whatever, right? Yeah, it. It may not be something that anybody can fix. Yeah, it may just be something that that person has to live with. which sucks

Carrie 30:57
it does. It really does as another general gist. generic response, could you just be like, let me know how I can help or how can I help, or something? Is that good?

Nicole 31:06
Yes. That's a good one.

Carrie 31:08
Yeah. And that's all you really have to say if they say no, it's all good, then great, move on and be normal.

Nicole 31:15
I will say with that response, though, that's really hard because at least for my people, I know we're very Midwestern. And we have that Midwestern stoic personality. Yes. So I know when somebody tells me like, oh, let me know how I can help. I always do the casual like I will thank you. I really appreciate it and then I never ask for help.

But I like I like when they say like hey, I I'm gonna bring over food for you. Let me know when is a good time?

Carrie 31:48
Yeah, like a very, more specific way to help.

Nicole 31:51
Yeah, yeah, I like that.

Carrie 31:53
That's true. If you don't, and if you don't know a specific way to help, maybe just say That sucks.

Nicole 32:01
Yeah, yeah. Are you saying like, Hey, I'm really good at house cleaning? Oh, let me know.

Carrie 32:07
Hey, everyone could use help with that. No matter what your issue is Yeah, that's actually that's pretty good.

Nicole 32:15
Or like a date night with like, Hey, I'll watch your kids go out with your husband or something like that.

Carrie 32:20
Yes. All good, all good ideas

Danie 32:24
you know, or even sometimes just asking questions about what they're going through, because sometimes people just want to talk about it, but they don't want to be a burden on other people. or like a downer. So, you know, and I think, you know, if you ask questions in the right way, if somebody doesn't want to talk about it, they'll tell you, you know, so that doesn't have to be a worry, but it's like, oh, wow, that sounds you know, really hard. how, you know, how have you been able to cope with it or what is it or, you know, does it affect, you know, if it's, you know, maybe IBS? It's like, oh, does it make it hard to like go to restaurants or You know, just like opening up with some type of a question relating to what they're going through could be really good opportunity for somebody to just like, say, yeah, you know, it is hard.

Carrie 33:11
Yeah.

Danie 33:13
Because and then also, like, if you're not close enough to offer something like house cleaning or cooking or whatever, you could say, hey, well, you know, maybe if, you know, if you have to eat these specific foods, maybe I could help and like, look up, if there's restaurants in your area that serve those kind of foods, and I could send you a list or whatever. Yeah, like that would be helpful, just to kind of take away the extra energy required to do that type of research. You know, look up, look into those solutions.

Nicole 33:43
Yeah. And it feels like, someone's on your side, too,

Carrie 33:46
right? Yes. That's what I was gonna say anything, anything you offer is at least going to show them that you believe them that you acknowledge how much extra effort they have to put in, even if they don't Don't want to take you up on it. You're showing them that you give a crap.

Nicole 34:04
Yeah, exactly.

Carrie 34:06
That's all people really want. Right? Right. Yeah.

Danie 34:11
How has your experience with with these types of invisible illnesses affected your work? Or you at work, I guess

Carrie 34:26
On those days when you're really in the pit of depression it's it's hard to be in public where other people can see your face. Because some days it's it some days, it's a lot harder than others to do that fake it thing. Yeah. And you know, you, you, you risk getting caught, like crying at work, which is yes. So, I mean, especially for women like you don't want to do that.

Danie 35:00
Yeah,

Carrie 35:01
that's, I mean, have you guys, has that happened to you where you got caught crying and you're like, ah, shoot.

Danie 35:07
Yep.

Nicole 35:08
Yep. The worst Multiple times. Yeah.

Carrie 35:11
Yeah. You don't want to be like, oh, that that woman she's in there being emotional and hysterical,

Nicole 35:17
right? Yeah. Do you guys okay, this is a tangent. But do you guys cry when you're just so damn frustrated?

Carrie 35:24
Oh yeah, I do that. Definitely. Oh, definitely. Yeah.

Danie 35:29
Or if I get really angry.

Nicole 35:30
Yeah. Yeah, yep. And well, you're the emotional one apparently

Carrie 35:36
right? But work is definitely one of those places where all the frustration happens and you just got to learn how to hide it better. Get to the bathroom first before you start crying

Danie 35:51
Or be like, Oh man, I poked myself in the eye. Oh, my contacts are really bothering me.

Nicole 36:00
I did that one time. Only like it just it kept coming like the water and the tears just kept coming. I'm like, Oh, I must have really jabbed my eye. Oh no. both eyes were tearing I'm like, oh,

Danie 36:12
I jabbed both eyes.

Nicole 36:16
It sucks man, it sucks

Carrie 36:21
yeah. So yeah. work when you're feeling bad is so the recipe for just finding ways to feel worse about yourself when you get caught crying or whatever.

Danie 36:33
Yeah, have you ever called in on like, those rough days or anything? Trying to work from home or anything though?

Carrie 36:40
No

Nicole 36:41
Yeah, me either. I always like if I know that something's gonna take me off or I feel like it's gonna start to, you know, affect me. I always try and like make an excuse and run away. Like, Oh, I'm sorry. I am getting a call. I gotta go. And I like run away.

Carrie 36:59
Yeah, you Just getting all those extra little tools in your pocket. All those little excuses. Yeah.

Again, I think it's though, like you said Nicole, the Midwestern, stoic and hard work like always got to work. You know, we're not the type of people to call in.

Danie 37:21
That's true.

Nicole 37:25
guess not acknowledge that anything's wrong. Like, the only time you're going to acknowledge somebody is wrong is when you're crying on the floor, like, okay, I give up something. Yeah.

Danie 37:36
Yeah, it's tough. And there's no, it's almost like, we glorify not calling in. Absolutely. You know, absolutely. Somebody brought up on Facebook. And I thought this was a really interesting point about the award that the attendance award that they give kids who never miss a day of school. Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah, okay, go ahead. Sorry. Well, I was gonna say so their their perspective was that it's very ableist. But it also almost glorifies, like overwork. I mean, when I wasn't when I personally when I was in school, like I always felt bad for the kids who got the attendance awards because I was like, oh man, that sucks that you were here every single day. But I thought that that was an interesting point that she made. And I do wonder, like, does it glorify this idea that we can never just take a break if we need it?

Carrie 38:38
Absolutely. And especially if you're sick, like, I never understood that because it's like, Why? Why are we celebrating they were lucky enough to not get sick. I mean, just because you are sick a day and you miss a day. Does that make you any less of a good student? No. weird

Nicole 38:57
Or how many times have you come in when you're sick? Right like you've been sick little lady like that's that's happened.

Danie 39:06
And have gotten other kids sick,

Carrie 39:07
right? That's exactly it, congrats for coming in and bringing your germs in with ya, good job.

Danie 39:15
Nice work. Yeah. Yeah, cuz anything of like, oh, like so I didn't have I wasn't diagnosed with type one until I was 21. But I've talked to, and To be honest, I feel like I can't imagine being a parent of a kid with Type One Diabetes if I did not have it because it feels like it was hard enough to figure it out by myself, right? Like it's almost like you're learning a brand new language and you have to learn it really fast so you don't die. Yeah. But, like as a parent, I feel like I would be panicking all the time because, you know, as much as like school nurses and whoever are trained to try to help and administer insulin and stuff. Like there's so much fine tuning that it's like they can't possibly know everything that they're supposed to do for these kids. And each kid is probably so different. But to me, that seems so terrifying. So anyway, I just think of like all these parents with kids that have some type of illness, you know, and it's like, that's gotta be so hard. I can't even imagine.

Carrie 40:26
Hmm, definitely, especially when kids aren't that great at explaining how they feel.

Nicole 40:34
Or wanting to acknowledge like, they're so embarrassed because they have so many emotions already. Yeah.

Carrie 40:40
Yeah.

Danie 40:41
Well, I think I was reading that for like toddlers and preschool-age kids. Like, if they feel anxious, they describe it as like a tummy ache. Sure.

Carrie 40:51
Definitely.

Nicole 40:52
Yeah.

Danie 40:53
Yeah. And like, I remember Nova describing us a tummy, tummy ache, you know, a couple weeks ago, and I think If you remember she got really dehydrated, which was just she just really didn't drink much for like a day. So she got and she ended up getting sick because she didn't drink enough water. So we kept her home, but like, you know, she's describing a tummy ache. So it's like, Okay, well, is it anxiety? Are you hungry? Do you have to go potty? Is it?

Carrie 41:19
Yeah, one of a billion things.

Danie 41:22
Are you feeling nauseous? It's like they can't you know, they can't explain that to you. No,

Carrie 41:27
no, not even a little.

Nicole 41:28
Yeah. When? Well, and there's the opposite. where like, when I was Nova's age, whenever I didn't want to see somebody or I didn't want to say hi. I would cross my arms and I'd say, Don't talk to me. My tummy hurts. And everyone knew to do like, Okay. We won't talk to you then because maybe her tummy really does hurt. But I used it to be like, yeah, yeah, don't talk to me.

Carrie 41:57
What a manipulative little child you were.

Nicole 42:06
Yup. Don't worry guys. I started it.

Danie 42:11
Nicole -- making social distancing cool before it was cool

Nicole 42:16
Yep definitely

Danie 42:22
Well On that note, I feel like we covered that topic pretty well, though I'm sure there are always more things to talk about. So I will say we could end today's episode there. And thank you all for listening. We did not talk about our social media or anything at any point in this episode, but if you'd like to find more of us, tell us what you're doing while in self-isolation. We really need conversation because we're all going a little loopy so please interact with us on social media, or Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at Women AF podcast. You can visit us on our website at Women AF podcast calm and we are also releasing fun virtual happy hours while we're all in isolation on our Patreon account, so it's patreon.com forward slash Women AF podcast. So on that note, we'll say goodbye for this week and we are Women AF and we know you are too

Carrie 43:29
Women AF is produced by mortar box media and engineered by Adam Rostad. That intro and outro music is SQZ by Shane Ivers. Check them out at Silvermansound.com and don't forget to subscribe and leave a review.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

 

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