Episode 16: Kids and Social Media

This week we take on the topic of social media and kids. What is an invasion of their privacy, what are some best practices, and what is the best way to handle in-app chat features. It’s a big topic and changes with the ages of different kids, but we do our best to try to figure it out. 

 

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Intro and Outro Music is SQZ by Shane Ivers. Check him out at silvermansound.com.

 

Transcript for Episode 16: Kids and Social Media

Please note: this transcript is for anyone who needs to or would prefer to use a transcript than listen to the episode. We do our best but please excuse errors in the transcript. 

Unknown Speaker 0:00
This is a mortar box media podcast for more podcasts and to learn how we can help you create your own visit mortarboxmedia.com

Danie 0:17
Hello, and welcome to Women AF podcast a podcast hosted by three quarantined friends who are just trying to remember what day of the week it is, or what time I don't really even know what's going on. I forgot I was hosting. How are you doing Carrie and Nicole

Carrie 0:38
hanging in there?

Nicole 0:40
Yeah. Same.

Danie 0:45
very convincing.

Carrie 0:48
How about you?

Nicole 0:50
Yeah. How about you, Danie?

Danie 0:51
Ah, it's been a real weird week. It's been a very Yeah. emotional roller coaster week. I'm a little bit all over the place.

Carrie 1:03
I feel the same way.

Nicole 1:05
Yeah, I hear you. Cool.

Danie 1:09
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, we found out our furlough was extended, which we're not surprised. But not everyone was extended. Like 15% of the people are coming back and were deemed essential. Which means makes the non essential part. seem very, like a big slap in the face a little bit.

Carrie 1:36
Now, did they actually use the word essential?

Danie 1:39
I think they called them critical.

Carrie 1:43
Ah, wow. That isn't very nice.

Danie 1:46
Yeah, it didn't feel good. That is for sure.

Carrie 1:50
Bad Choice on their part.

Danie 1:52
Yeah, I think I am not totally thrilled with the way everything is being handled or communicated.

Carrie 2:00
Too bad.

Danie 2:02
Yeah. And then obviously our shit show of a voting situation. And that what a disaster that was like, Oh, this is terrible. And then we have all over, you know, our friends from New York or like, what is even happening over there? And are you all okay?

Carrie 2:24
People not in Wisconsin help us we're not okay.

Danie 2:32
What is even happening? So we also made the tough decision to keep the kids home starting next week. I mean, they were literally the only two kids left in their daycare. Oh my gosh, really? Yeah, but financially and just health wise, you know, especially since Phoenix had so many lung issues RSV, Collapsed lungs, blah Blah, blah. Well, yeah, just like we're gonna do it. So this afternoon we're trying to figure out like a preschool schedule, because I'm probably gonna be picking up some side gigs. You know, because since we don't know how long the furlough is gonna go, we need some money. But now we just have to figure out how you know how do we both work from home with a one and a three year old?

Carrie 3:27
Yes, I bet I bet Nicole has some thoughts on that.

Danie 3:32
Yeah. What are your thoughts?

Nicole 3:35
Oh gosh, guys today was rough. I think I texted you guys like on the verge of tears because it was rough. it's different because I'm not doing side hustles like my side hustle is just, you know, I want to redesign shit around my house like I don't really not getting paid. I just want to do shit but like My youngest is going through a tantrum hitting, like screaming after every little thing and then they didn't nap. And then I cleaned up the damn room like five times and it still is a mess. But yet my husband is trying to work in I'm trying to keep it all quiet. And then it rained. It was just like a shit show. And then it rained and rained. We couldn't even go for a walk. And then my youngest cried when we tried to go for a walk just

Carrie 4:32
sorry, how many days have we been home with you know?

Nicole 4:36
This week? This is the first

Carrie 4:39
Oh,

Nicole 4:43
here we go. Okay, so it's fun.

Carrie 4:46
It's the first day everyone's gonna settle in. It's gonna be fine. Yeah.

Nicole 4:51
And it just it's like a confidence crusher because last week I had them a couple days. And it was like it was great. I was going off of a schedule, I was like, great. We'll do projects this day. I have some projects lined up and then going from confident to like today where I was almost crying like I can't. And I still have like we went on for a little longer to. So now I have another three weeks.

Carrie 5:21
I guess it's gonna be an up and down. Roller Coaster for sure. Yeah, we'll be fine.

Nicole 5:31
Yeah, I have to keep remembering like, yes, we're going through emotional shit right now. But then also our kids are feeding off of it too. And like they're trying to process stuff.

Carrie 5:44
So it's really true. It's really true hard. Yeah, my sister told me my my six year old niece has been having trouble and she'll storm off multiple times a day and slam her bedroom door and super emotional sensitive and it's you know, it's gotta be just her schedules all mixed up. She's not seeing her friends. It's, yeah, it's hard on everybody.

Nicole 6:10
Yes, it really is. Yeah.

Danie 6:13
Carrie, how's the week for you?

Carrie 6:16
Um, it's going well, we have somewhat settled into our virtual learning this week. Yesterday was the first day that they did kind of have the real subjects like the math, the reading and the writing. And it was a little bit rocky but we combined forces last night and figured out ways we can make it better and got some stuff up today. And I think it did go better. I think we were on top of this for once.

Nicole 6:50
Good job.

Danie 6:52
Yeah. Awesome.

Carrie 6:53
Yeah, I mean, who knows what every day could bring but today was okay. Feels good. Yeah, and I'm gonna take it

Nicole 7:00
Do it. Take it run with it.

Carrie 7:03
I'm running with it!

Nicole 7:04
Celebrate. Oh dear. Well, well, Danie, let's, let's work our a system When you're overloaded and need, like a Hey, I need a little bit of self reassurance let me know. I'll give you puppy videos or kitty videos. And then the same for me. We'll work it out. Okay, yes.

Carrie 7:33
I got puppy kitty videos too.

Nicole 7:35
Okay, all right, Carrie, you can be included. All right, cool.

Danie 7:39
Other Videos ridiculous videos.

Carrie 7:43
Yeah, funny memes. and fun. Yeah. Yeah, yes. I like it plan.

Nicole 7:50
Okay, sorry, Danie.

Danie 7:52
No, that's okay. So all that which leads me nicely into what our topic is today. So our topic today is we're going to talk about social media. And kids. And if you are a person who is on social media, you can find us on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter at Women AF podcast. Uh, I think we're all spending probably a little bit extra time on social media lately. But maybe not. I mean, I think it's a combination of some people are a lot busier and some people have more time to kill So, but either way, we'll talk to you, cause we are a little bit desparate for some human connection. Yes. But before we get into the topic, but let's take a quick break.

Carrie 8:48
Safer at home has us all finding different ways to try to socialize and create a somewhat new normal. A big normal for us was happy hours and get togethers. Since we obviously aren't doing that in person, right? Now we found other ways of getting together virtually like zoom, Facebook Live, Facebook video chats, bunch, and virtual surprise parties. And a few weeks ago, we started doing virtual happy hours, which has been great. It's fun to see all your faces and when we get ready, and one way to get ready for these virtual happy hours is to have some wine on hand. An easy way to get the wine while staying safe at home is to visit winc. Winc takes the guesswork out of picking your wine. You start your profile by filling out a flavor profile quiz. And Winc will give you wine recommendations based on what you like. Cool, all right. Yeah. And listen to this. Right now. Winc is offering $20 off. To get $20 off and to get your free flavor profile quiz started. Visit WomenAFpodcast.com and click sponsors. Again visit WomenAFpodcast.com and click sponsors and get $20 off your first wine order with winc.

Danie 10:09
And we are back. Hopefully everyone refilled their wine. So social media and kids. It's a hard topic. I know, Nicole, this was a topic that you had brought up wanting to do yet some questions. So why don't I pass the virtual mic over to you and you can kick us off.

Nicole 10:39
Perfect. Well, I think I brought this topic up. Because one of my main reasons is we are kind of the generation that has popped on social media and try to get as much likes and comments and we have I don't know, I know No, I personally have five Instagram profiles for different ways. I have five Okay. Well, okay, anyway, so And my question is I read, I don't know what I read, but it made me start questioning like as a mom, a lot of my life revolves around my kids and a lot of my posts revolve around what they're doing and their life and personally I like to use that as memories for me to kind of chronologically go through and say, all right, your I remember this time. This date was when I don't know you got into a fight with your sister and I recorded it and it was hilarious, whatever. But it made me start thinking about that generation that's coming up like our kids in this is their life like is it is it right for us to post about it and I find myself sometimes like kind of making fun of her a little bit like trying to coax out some, you know, humor to make me feel less like a bad mom. But at the same time like this is their life and I have to respect that they deserve you know, the type of interactions and type of posts that honor them and not, you know, kind of make fun of them. So with my profiles like all my profiles, I debate whether or not it's my it's okay for me to post about it. Like situations and life situations is happening with my youngest or my oldest or whatever. Like today I posted three pictures as like a photo series and it's like one picture is my oldest looking over at my youngest, and she has this look in her eyes like I'm gonna take that ball. And then the second picture is her actually taking the ball away from my youngest. And the third picture is my youngest, like screaming running after her. Which is, it's all totally relatable, but it's also their lives. And I don't know, if it's, if I'm thinking about it too much, or if I'm not thinking about it enough in that we need to respect that it's their lives and not our so I want to get your guys's opinion on this. Am I just being crazy? Like, how do you guys feel about posting about your children and their lives on social media?

Danie 13:43
Um, I don't think you're being crazy. I think that that's a legitimate concern because this is really the first time like, when we were kids, and we were growing up. There was like, such a thing didn't exist. So a lot of the stupid things that we Did are not like they're not documented? Yeah, right. I can imagine that if somebody had been documenting me in middle and high school, I mean, just going back and looking at my own journal entries and from my own memories, like it would be pretty mortifying. Yeah, I feel like the age that our kids are at Nicole is a little different. Like the toddler preschool, even elementary school age, because a lot of the stuff that they're doing now is like, it's it's like, cute, bad. You know what I mean? Like taking the ball from your sister. Like, that's, like, it's funny, and it's something that every toddler would do. I think once they get into like, in maybe carrie you can answer this better. Like in the older elementary, middle and high school, then I think it's a totally different ballgame, right? Because now the decisions they're making have larger impact on their lives and other people's lives and so and plus they're able to voice whether or not they want to be on social media, right like it. Right, let you know if they don't you know, but I know for me personally, like, I in no judgement here, right? I laugh a lot when I see the why my toddlers crying.

Nicole 15:24
Yes.

Danie 15:26
But I have never been able to bring myself to post one. Because it feels like I'm making fun of something. Even if it seems trivial to me that's important to my kid. Enough to make them cry, you know? And so like, even if it's something so ridiculous, like my toddler wouldn't let me eat the crayon I don't feel like I can get that to me doesn't feel good. Personally, though, I don't judge other parents that post those in particular, you know what I mean?

Nicole 16:00
Right, right. Yep, I could see that how how I try and do it as I try and look at my post as if my, if it's about my oldest if my oldest was 20 years old had her own family, would she think this is okay for me to post or not? Like? I try and think about all of it.

Danie 16:28
Yeah. Carrie, you have more you have kids that are able to express themselves a little bit better because they're a little older. What do you What's your opinion on that?

Carrie 16:43
Yeah, I think they're at the age like I think you said the toddler things that are cute and funny and relatable are things generally that every toddler does. You know, every every toddler steals their younger siblings ball and runs away with it and It's cute and it's relatable and it's fun. Yeah, when my kids are six and nine and I do think they're definitely becoming much more unique as humans and doing things that I I'm sure they wouldn't want put out there are saying things that I think are funny and I might want to share but I also think they would be mortified if I put them out there for the world to see. So I think you naturally kind of adapt to that as your kids get older. If that makes any sense I don't really post things about my kids I I do have an Instagram one Instagram account, but I don't think I've ever even posted on it. So that's that I don't really post I'll post things on Facebook once in a while, but it's kind of just, you know, just silly things or cute things. I wouldn't want to share just everything they're doing and saying. Yeah, I do. I think they wouldn't like that and I would feel bad.

Danie 18:19
Yeah, I do. I think that I post about my kids, somewhat on social media. Part of it, I think is just, it's fun to kind of document the big moments as they happen. The post spamming that I primarily do in general, though, is on Snapchat, and oftentimes I will just send them specifically to certain people, and then save them to my memories. You know, so that if I'm like I sent a video of Phoenix playing in the bathtub. Yesterday and I've seen lots of people posting with their kids in the bathtub. And like, I don't, I don't again, I'm not judging, I don't have an issue with it. But this was a situation where I was like, I don't know, maybe when he gets bigger, he wouldn't be comfortable with that. So I'm just gonna, like, send it in a format that will delete except for in my own memories and send it to just like my mom and my sister in laws and to Daniel, you know, because they've, Oh, that's so cute. But then, you know, they're not going to save it, obviously. You know, they can't save it on Snapchat. So I mean, I I think that kind of like you I'm just kind of picky about what I put out there on their behalf.

Nicole 19:48
Yeah, that's it. I guess that's another layer to have. When I post at least two, well, Facebook and Instagram so I have, like a personal page. That's very private. And I kind of conceal a lot of my stuff. But all my family is in Minnesota and we are in Wisconsin, so it's hard. It's hard for me. I like to post about my kids on Facebook, especially because it has helped keep my family that are in Minnesota kind of in the loop and kind of a part of our lives when they can. They don't have Snapchat, like my grandma doesn't have Snapchat. And she doesn't even have Instagram, but like, That, to me is really hard to decipher. But then my public pages that I have, like I have a photography page. And I A lot of my photography is just you know, taking pictures of my kids, and that's hard for me. I keep going back and forth. In that is it okay for me to post their, their likeness and their picture, even though it's maybe I'm biased, but it's a beautiful shot, but like, I don't know, I always think about I mean, we like True Crime right? So I always think about what if somebody is watching and somebody abducted my kid and all that stuff is just giving them ammo. So I think I'm just being really paranoid and too scared of life.

Danie 21:30
Yeah, I actually know somebody, um, that she won't let anybody post pictures of her kids on any form of social media and she doesn't herself either. You know, and then I know people who are definitely more on the loose end like I would say, Daniel and I are pretty loose about the privacy protections of our posts. I mean, we don't like post like location stuff, you know, like, hey, look One thing I, you know, do is like if we post a picture, I always post it, you know, after we do something, so it's not like yeah, Hey everybody, we are at such and such museum right now.

Nicole 22:16
Rob our house around you. Okay? You guys are all in the, you know, marketing field. Have you guys looked ever at the Facebook marketplace? Like how you can pick ads and pick demographics for ads on Facebook?

Danie 22:33
Oh, yes.

Nicole 22:34
Yeah. It's scary how specific you can get like you can get down to like, if this person visited Florida within six months and bought a car, then it needs this post. Like it's so specific. It's crazy.

Danie 22:51
Yeah. I mean, from a marketing perspective, it's great from a personal perspective maybe not so great. Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And again, carrie maybe you can field this question a little bit. And I guess I'm going to start with a story that a friend of mine was telling me so a friend of mine son at the time was about 12. And he and I were both into a phone game called Clash of Clans, which I'm sure some people have heard of, maybe not everybody, but it's basically like, you, you build this clan and then you go fight people. Right? And you play you can join a clan, which is comprised of like, other people, and you can communicate with them and whatever. So my friend, um, being the good mom that she is, would check in on, you know, whatever he was doing on social media and whatever. And so, she was checking out this game with him, and she saw like all these strangers sending him messages because you can send messages in the game. And, you know, she became concerned because, you know, not everyone in the game was a 12 year old boy. I mean, obviously, I was in the game, and I at the time was like a 30 year old woman. So, right, like, there's a large variety of people that play this game. And, you know, maybe some of the messages were, you know, Hey, where are you from? Whatever, it could be harmless, but maybe it's not harmless. You know? Hey, you know, how old are you? You know, they started to get into like, the personal questions, which again, as somebody who grew up on AOL Instant Messenger, like the whole ASL thing, age, sex location, I don't know in the chat rooms like that was the beginning of all that but now it happens in kind of like these more concealed ways like a message portion inside of a game. So she ended up figuring out a way that he could still play the game but she could turn off the messages which obviously made her feel much better about it and like just generally monitored his time online. But is that something you guys think about it all like in terms of as kids grow older and there's all these apps and like all this stuff to keep track of?

Carrie 25:25
Absolutely. Because we we had kind of the same thing just last week, actually. Both the kids wanted to download the game Roblox to their tablets, which I mean, I've heard a lot about I've heard you know, the name Roblox, but I don't know what it is. And I think, you know, my husband knows a lot more about all this stuff. And he was like, Alright, yeah, we can download that. Let's check it out. And so the kids were playing and it was, was within the same day that my daughter was like, someone's calling me names. Someone's calling me, someone saying, I'm ugly and blah, blah, blah and all these like really mean things. I was terribly. I was like what is Roblox, like I need to do a little more research, I think. And you know, we kind of looked at it and she was upset, of course, and honestly, she has been bullied at school for a nine year old more than her share at this point. So we were immediately like, okay, we're gonna take that off. We're gonna we're gonna uninstalled that. And she was absolutely like, yeah, let's you know, she, she didn't want to deal with that. And so I kind of looked, I looked into it a little bit, and it's super common on roblox. It's a thing on Roblox bullying which is insane. I still don't really know what it is, it's a game, or a thing where you can create games and others can play them or something like that. And it does have that interact interactive feature. But I did read that you can, as a parent really control that interactive feature and actually, kind of introduce your child into the world of that sort of messaging situation, and it might be an actual good way to do that. So that's one thing to think about. But I think for us, she had already dealt with bullying and we just got rid of it. We're like done, you're done. Yeah. So yeah, it's really scary how fast it happened. Yeah, how easily it happened. You know? Yeah. I just like how prevalent is this? It's, it's absolutely horrifying. And honestly Another one that she's had trouble with is just messenger for kids. So they have kids and the parents have a lot of control there. Maya can send messages to me and request other kids that she knows that she wants and I can okay that and like contact their parent and say Is this okay? You know, all the parents are in on it and stuff, but like I said she's had trouble with bullying at school. And so that, of course, has extended into her messenger for kids life, which is really too bad. So she's already had to make the decision to block certain friends. Which even as an adult, you know, you you struggle with that a little you know, you have these friends or family that like post things that upset you and you're just like, this is garbage. Do I just block it? struggle and so she's already gone through that.

Danie 29:07
That's an early age to learn that lesson.

Carrie 29:11
Yes. And it's really sad. But that is the world that you know, that's gonna be the world for the kids now.

Danie 29:20
Yeah, I think the more you know, this social media and that these, the more people are able to communicate behind a computer. I feel like the bolder people are with their bullying because they don't have to see the consequences face to face. Like if you are bullying somebody in person and obviously that definitely happens. Like you were even saying, you know, at school, she's definitely getting bullied. But it's like, if you're in person, you see the emotional response to the things you're saying or doing and You know, yep. I feel like you're face to face then with the consequences of your action. Whereas when you're behind a screen like that, no, you know, nobody. There's no consequences.

Carrie 30:15
It doesn't seem real, and especially for a kid. Yeah. Even harder for a kid to imagine a real person on the other side of that, you know, feeling real feelings, right?

Nicole 30:30
Yeah. And it's real easy to pile on on social media. Oh, yeah.

Danie 30:35
Yeah, I mean, look at the way adults handle themselves on social media. I mean, I have been in the last few days, I've probably been on Facebook, you know more than I normally am obviously, because I am not working right now. And, you know, you never you should never read the comments section anymore. Right, but I mean, just looking at the comments sections on stuff, like some of the posts, it seems obvious that people are gonna, like, lose their shit on right like because they're, they're charged and you know politically or emotionally or whatever right and still not to say that that's okay but at least you can see the posts and you can anticipate, oh the comments sections gonna be nuts on this post but like some of the stuff I'm on I'm like, this post is not charged in any way. This is like some super benign posts about like nothing in particular and like people are losing it in the comments and I'm just like, what is happening? Like, this isn't even anything to be upset over.

Nicole 31:41
Yeah, people are charged at least right now for sure.

Carrie 31:46
Yeah, it's crazy.

Nicole 31:48
I have, I'm sorry, go ahead. I had a cause. And I think she's technically my cousin.

She got married in February. She just got her pictures back. And so she posted them her wedding pictures that were in February and people are going crazy. Because they think that she got her wedding during this whole quarantine state. And so people are like yelling at her and like, why aren't you staying at home? All this stuff like, calm down. That's not just give it a second.

Carrie 32:32
Yeah, it was supposed to be such a fun thing for her to share your picture.

Nicole 32:36
Especially now like I feel like we all need to see on social media like happy times. Yeah. Where you don't need that shit. Like,

Carrie 32:45
yep, don't jump to conclusion people

Danie 32:58
I was Facebook friends with my old English teacher from high school and so she had posted this thing and like a guy I went to school with commented on it. And I thought, like, his response was really insightful. And it was really along the lines of like, you know, in high school, we knew you to be like, you know, pro women pro people like, you really cared about people and like this, this that you're posting doesn't seem to jive with like, what you taught us, right like this doesn't seem to make sense. is, you know, propaganda, right? And I was and then they had like a nice conversation so I was like, Okay, so this seems like based on these comments like nobody's like losing it everyone seems to be calm or whatever. And so I responded thinking that Okay, we're all having a conversation. This is nice we can share you know, so sharing space, which clearly that was my first mistake, right to ever think that comment. Yeah, a place to be but you know, my, I'll take it on. Anyway. So I commented, and like her response was like, Why are you such a hateful person? You're clearly like being taken in by the mass media. You need to like pray about your hatred, because like how, how could you let yourself get to this point? Then she private messaged me. And like continued this. If you you know, if you let this hatred grow in your heart, it's gonna fester, blah, blah, blah, you should make sure your news sources are, you know, from both sides like make sure you check out Breitbart News because that's, you know, a good one and why should you be like to and I was like, all I remember I was like, I should not have responded in that moment because I was really angry but like I wrote probably six paragraphs in response, and the only thing I couldn't remember is like, don't come at me was how I said about what I read or what I believe like you're not even having a conversation with me. This is like all you're doing is accusing me of stuff. Like I wanted to have a conversation clearly I can't like don't come at me.

Nicole 35:47
Oh my god.

Danie 35:49
So Well, I think.

Nicole 35:54
All right, good job. That's good

Carrie 35:56
Good for sticking up for yourself.

Danie 36:00
thanks. Yeah, a conversation I really anticipated having. And had I anticipated it which I maybe I should have maybe given the context of the situation. And by maybe, I mean, I should have anticipated given the context and situation. Like I would have just probably unfollowed and avoided the situation all together, which is what I've done with some other people is like, they're people I like, as long as they don't see what they post on Facebook.

Carrie 36:28
Yes, yeah. Yep.

Agreed.

Nicole 36:33
My Okay, wait, so sorry. But I haven't another thing. What worries me about social media in that? I mean, when, when we were little, we knew all of the slang like we knew all of the key stuff. And now this day and age, I don't know the slang anymore. For instance, oh, I was teaching or I was doing like a, like a youth group, I was kind of leading a youth group. And they were telling me they told me about Netflix and chill and what it actually meant. I'm sitting there like, what you guys are, you know, freshman in high school and you know what? Netflix and chill means. And then I was I was pregnant with my first at the time and I had like a full on meltdown. Because if I didn't know that, and I wasn't that far out of the game of you know, youth that I was so worried that my kids are going to pull a fast one on me and talk about some shit that I'm not going to know the context of it. Like

Carrie 37:51
Yeah, I my kids started picking up lingo that I'm like, What are you? What is that word? Right. And it's like all the time they're calling each other pleb I don't know what that means. They're constantly constantly going uni. And I can't. One day in the early in the early quarantine days in the morning, one morning, I banned pleb for the whole day.

Danie 38:36
Well, I mean, what I'm going to say about that is, I think that that happens in every generation, right? Like the younger generation. I know. But I did it to my parents, like he's the lingo, whatever. But also like, yeah, kids are dumb. I was dumb. Your parents know that. You're using lingo, right? Like you're being so clever, but it's like, No, you It's obvious And I mean, yeah, I even think about like my nieces and nephews when they're trying to be slick. And like, even if I don't specifically know what they're saying, I always know that they're saying something slick. I'm like, Okay, all right. True. Like you think you're getting away with that, but I know, you know, cuz they'll be, you know, we'll use your Netflix and chill, right? They'll say something like, Oh my goodness, I just called Okay, they probably wouldn't say oh my goodness, that's what I would say. But anyway. Like, I just called so and so and we're gonna get together to wink wink, Netflix and chill, you know, like they write to say it like a certain way that it's like, haha,

Nicole 39:40
that's true. They're not coy at all. Like they are all right. I, yeah, yeah, that's true. I mean, we can tell that they're lying

Carrie 39:51
most of the time.

Danie 39:52
Yeah. And I want to stay in the loop. My 43 year old husband is usually who fills me in on what the quarter Things are that people are saying,

Nicole 40:03
oh good okay he writes me

Danie 40:04
in the loop and I don't know how he knows I think he's got a middle school or that's an insider maybe our nieces filling him in, like, Hey, this is the latest word. Yeah.

Carrie 40:15
That is not a bad plan, I think.

Yeah, I need to my my teenager neice and be like, Listen, you need to fill me in. I think she would.

Danie 40:28
Tell me what's happening I can understand that language

Carrie 40:33
What's pleb?

Nicole 40:37
I want to know... that's crazy. I remember a little Okay, here's a little story and if my mom is listening, I'm sorry. But so when I was little, there was a radio show in Minnesota that coyly because you're on the radio You can't talk about sex. So they always use a codename. Like instead of saying like sex, they said, ice cream or hot fudge sundae. Everybody, everybody who's listening could know and understand like whenever they're talking about a hot fudge sundae like, oh yeah. Last night I had a really delicious hot fudge sundae. everybody listening was like, I know what this means. Well, I was driving with my mom one day, and it was me my brother and then radio was on and they started talking about like, how long does it take for you to finish a hot fudge sundae? And my mother, oh, God bless her soul. She. She turned to me and my brother and said, How long do you guys think it takes to finish a hot fudge sundae? And we both knew and we both like when bright red and we're like, I don't I don't know. I... along I don't know, it was like kept looking straight ahead.

Carrie 42:12
She must have been so confused like what is wrong with my children

Nicole 42:20
think eventually we filled her in and she's like, Oh my gosh, I can't believe that like, but it was it was so funny and that's what scares me is like I don't want I know I'm gonna be in a situation where I'm like my mom and I don't know what my kids are talking about, but it's gonna scare the shit out of me all the time.

Danie 42:41
Stories for their podcasts later.

Carrie 42:45
There you go.

Nicole 42:46
That's true full circle. It'll be good.

Danie 42:50
Before before we finish up today, speaking of social media, kind of we got an email and I wanted to read it. If somebody wants to talk to us, we got an email from Abby S about our discipline episode and I thought this was a great email that I wanted to share. So just before I share it, if anyone wants to email us, we will get super excited about it. We'll probably read it 20 times and we may even read it on air. Our email is WomenAFpodcast@gmail.com. But here's the email. So, Abby said, this is the first podcast I've ever responded to, which I find pretty exciting. So do we, Abby. So do we - full disclosure, I'm not a mom. I'm really close to one of my cousins and play a pretty active aunt to her two kids who are two, five and two, since she and her husband are only children. You may already use this tactic but I was really proud when I it actually worked with my five year old he like most kids, has a lot of emotion and doesn't usually know how to verbally express it and so that means stopping throwing, kicking full on hysterical meltdowns, you name it. He also like most kids reacts very big. So a small annoyance can build really quickly to a full on tantrum. There was one day where he was getting upset about something and he could just see the storm brewing. We were a few steps away from meltdown city. before it got there. I asked him what emotion he was feeling he either couldn't or didn't want to name it. So I started calmly listing some off angry, hurt, frustrated, sad. We landed on sad once we were able to name the emotion he was able to talk a little more about the why and then we could come up with a solution. I'm not saying this works every time. I think part of me got lucky in the timing and part of it was he was getting slightly more willing to verbalize his emotions. But I wonder if there's a way you could make this work for a little younger of a child maybe simpler emotions, happy, sad, angry or maybe it has to do with colors like red is boiling, mad green is happy and a few in between. I've been thinking about Making or printing off an emotions wheel because I can't list all the emotions, especially when I have a kid in front of me on the verge of freaking out. I would suggest the movie inside out for when there may be around four or five. Or maybe that would still be too young. I'll leave it up to you. My mom was a child psychologist and she loved that movie because of how it addresses emotions that aren't good or bad. I hope this helps. And thank you for giving me the opportunity to respond to my first podcast. I hope you all are surviving this pandemic with as much sanity as you can. And she actually sent us that feelings wheel the emotions wheel, so I think that it would be cool if we posted it on our Facebook page.

Carrie 45:41
Yeah, you got to post it.

Nicole 45:42
That's awesome. Yeah, that's great advice. That's really good advice.

Carrie 45:49
I agree. Make sense? Yeah. We should all try it. definitely gonna try it tomorrow. Cuz 100% chance my kids will flip out at some point tomorrow. So

Nicole 46:00
Perfect. Yeah. And my my kid totally has done the like emotion spirals where I can't get her out of it and then I don't know what to do. So that's that's a good you know just name. Name it. Yeah, hopefully that'll help talk about it. That's that's really good.

Carrie 46:18
Yeah. And help them to like for future reference understand what's going on inside them and maybe be able to verbalize it a little better.

Nicole 46:27
Right. Yeah. I will say we have watched inside out and my oldest watched it when she was three and she loves it. I don't think she fully understands what it all means and how it's like, this is legit emotions. But I do love that movie.

Danie 46:47
Yeah, we just tried to watch it too. We got about halfway through and then she got distracted. Yeah.

Nicole 46:54
I will say there is a part in every Disney movie that I cry at. And that's what One of the worst parts that I cry at so see it

Carrie 47:06
I have not seen that one and now you've made me not want to see it at all. So,

Nicole 47:10
you it's like a bittersweet. It's like a every Disney movie. There's like that bittersweet cry. It's true and yeah, I totally even like I watch it every single day when she was like three. And I still cried every single day when it got to that part of

Carrie 47:30
it. Yeah. Anyway. Yeah, that's it.

Danie 47:34
I'm a mess when I watch Toy Story and when I tried to organize the kids toys I I feel guilty for the toys I'm getting rid of. I'm pretty sure they judge me and They're devastated. It wrecked me for organizing toys.

Nicole 47:49
Yeah, yep. It made us become hoarders. Right?

Danie 47:54
Yeah, I mean, it's really Disney's fault. Disney should send somebody to come clean my house.

Nicole 48:02
And give those toys a good home.

Danie 48:05
That's right. But on that note, I think we should wrap up. Again you can find us on social media Instagram, Facebook and Twitter at WomenAFpodcast. And we're also on Patreon so if you are somebody who is still working right now, and you would like to help support people who are on furlough we are at patreon.com/WomenAFpodcast. But just communicating with us on social media sending us an email or rating and review those podcasts are also great ways to support us if you know a Patreon is not a thing you could do right now. And on that note, we are Women AF and we know you are too

Unknown Speaker 49:00
Women AF is produced by mortar box media and engineered by Adam Rostad. intro and outro music is SQZ by Shane Ivers, check them out at Silvermansound.com and don't forget to subscribe and leave a review

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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