Episode 8: Not Just a Mom

This week’s episode addresses the question we’ve all been asked a lot. Is this a Mom podcast? Spoiler alert: It’s not. We are Moms, but we are so much more than that too. Whether you are a Mom, not a parent at all, or are just sick of feeling like your value is tied up in whether or not you are a parent - we hope you can relate to this topic. 

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Tell us your thoughts or experiences around feeling labeled as “just a Mom”, feeling pressured to have kids, or your choice on not being a parent! And if your story is something completely different than that, we want to hear that too! Write in to womenafpodcast@gmail.com or connect with us on social media at:


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Women AF is produced by Mortar Box Media and Engineered by Adam Rostad. 

Intro and Outro Music is SQZ by Shane Ivers. Check him out at silvermansound.com

 

Transcript for Episode 8: Not Just a Mom:

Please note: this transcript is for anyone who needs to or would prefer to use a transcript than listen to the episode. We do our best but please excuse errors in the transcript. 

Women AF 0:00
This is a mortar box media podcast for more podcasts and to learn how we can help you create your own. Visit mortarboxmedia.com.

Nicole 0:17
Welcome to women AF a podcast hosted by three friends who have bonded over entrepreneurial dreams, potty training gone wrong and dreams of dismantling the patriarchy. Oh and murder podcast. I'm your host, Nicole. I got with me my co host, Carrie and Danie. Hey, guys, we're here again. I don't know how many times this is but we're here. And I'm really excited to talk to you guys again. And let's get started. How have you guys been and what's been happening?

Danie 0:49
Am I starting because I have a wild story.

Nicole 0:53
Yes, I want to hear.

Danie 0:54
I've been waiting. So my week started on an interesting note plumbing issues in my house now. Okay, so I'm going to try to not make this too long because it gets pretty wild. So since we move so the way our house is set up our kitchen sink our dishwasher is in one water pipe and then that goes to the basement where our washing machine and our kitchen utility sink connect to and then that's the big pipe that goes out to the sewer. So like that's all on this same line, right? Yeah. So since we've moved in, we periodically have issues with this pipe being clogged. And the way that it'll work is when it gets clogged, it'll back up into the utility sink and then the utility sink will overflow on to the basement floor. And but where it's getting it was getting clogged below. Like it what we knew it wasn't like the utility sink that was clogged because it was like the it was backing up into it versus like Just we would fill up that sink and it'd be full you know what I mean? Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. So we put we have periodically had to pour like industrial strength drain-o down there, which I'm not a fan of, but like not we couldn't get anything else to work. So we were like this time where we couldn't use the dishwasher, the kitchen sink or the machine the washing machine, which when you have two kids is a big deal, right? So we and we can't even like rinse the dishes, which makes it really gross. Anyway, so we poured drain-o down nothing. Nothing happened at all. So then he was like, Alright, well, let's try the snake. This is the first time we'd ever opened up that pipe to try it that way versus like a drain-o fix to like okay, so we we have like a little handheld snake, you know, like the kind you keep in your house. And so we pop open this opener. What do you call it, cover? So he had to buy like a big wrench. He opened the cover. And there was like, sludge, you know, like it was really gross because it's like also Oh, it's also where the the food disposal goes into. Anyways, it's really gross, like, scoop out the sledge. And we can look into the pipe and we see like, it's just, it's gross. And it's black and smelly and fun. Anyway, so we put the snake down. And it doesn't do anything. We can tell that there's something but like, it's just not working. So we're like, Okay, well now what do we do? So Daniel was like, Well, when I was at Home Depot, I saw the big snakes the kind of are the big snakes the kind that the plumbers use on the pipes. So he's like, I'm gonna go rent one. I was like, Okay. And so he went he got it and this thing was massive is like it took two of us to carry down the stairs and with two of us carrying it down the stairs, we were like sweating when we got down there because this thing was so heavy and it was like we couldn't carry it all the way down the stairs. It was like, carry it down one step, set it down, go down the step, like prepare yourself, pick it up another step like it took, like 10 minutes just to get down the stairs anyway. So we there's two tools that you had to use. The first is like a spade. So we put the spade down, and we followed the directions Exactly. So we put the spade down, and it spins around the drain and then it popped a hole in the sludge and the water drained. Awesome. It worked. So then the people at menards were like, Okay, so now you follow it up with the second tool. So you bring it back. And then there's like another tool, it looks like two kind of like knives that like spin around the drain. And if there's any extra sludge around the drain, it'll kind of clean it up. So you don't have a reoccurring problem in we're having a reoccurring problem. So we're like, All right, we'll do that. everything's going great. Kids are napping. We're like we're going to handle this problem. While the kids are napping, and for real cheap fix because it would have been, you know, expensive to call a plumber. So we're like real excited because only like 50 bucks to rent it for four hours. And then Daniel goes, it's stuck. And I was like, What do you mean it's stuck? And he's like, I like it's stuck and it was like, Okay, well, you know, can you make it go forward? No. Can you make it come back? No. And so then we're like trying for like 30 minutes nothing's working. We have the water running. We try like anything we could think of we tried I was like, oh, shoot. Okay, well then the kids woke up so then I went upstairs and he's going like out for another 45 minutes trying to get this thing out of the drain. He's like, it's just not like I can't get it out. I there's no I don't know what to do. So then I was like, all right, well, let's let's call my parents because I can't even go down and help you because of the kids and I don't want the kids downstairs by you know, this big machine. I want them to get hurt. So my parents came over and my mom watch the kids while me my dad. And Daniel tried to get this out and we lifted it up on a platform. We put like a two by four underneath the snake to get leverage. Like, my dad was calling. He's got friends that are plumbers he called, like two different people. And they're like, yeah, you're gonna have to get somebody in there with a scope because I don't like we don't even know what it's caught on, right? So we called Home Depot. And we're like, All right, we're not going to make the four hour cut off because it was Sunday night at this point. So we're not like there's no plumber. It's not an emergency, we're not getting a plumber. It'd be really expensive. And so we're like, okay, so we both emailed our jobs to say we're working from home. And because we didn't want time the plumber was going to get there. So which one of us would be available? And they were like, you know, best case scenario, they'll put the scope down to see what has caught on. We can figure out how to get it off and great. We will because we also don't want to damage the thing because then we would have to pay for repairs, right? Yeah. And the machine was like 25 hundred dollars for the contract. So Okay, so the next morning, take the kids to daycare call a plumber. Like as soon as they open at eight, a plumber shows up at 11. And he's like, trying to get it out and he's like, what do you guys do? And we're like, I don't know what we did like we followed the directions. Exactly. It was going fine. Like, I don't know what the problem is. So he's like trying for like an hour. And I was like, Well, can you look with a scope to see what it's caught on? He's like, the scope isn't gonna fit with the snake already down the tube. Like, I can't get both down here. And I was like, great. And he's like, so what we're going to have to do is rip up your basement floor and cut the pipe out.

Carrie 7:40
What How did it escalate to this?

Danie 7:44
The other thing is, we don't know how far the snake is in the tube. Is it just in the basement or does it go out to the yard, or we thought we had pulled it back enough that it was just in the basement. But theoretically, this is like 100 foot snake right so it could theoretically go out into the street. We didn't put it out that far, but like that it could have right so anyway, so he calls in the reinforcements and they bring a jackhammer. And they start jackhammering the floor and they rip up the basement floor and I just am going to also clarify we took a picture documentation of the entire process from Sunday night which I don't know if this would be totally boring but I could totally post this on patreon if anyone wants to see this fiasco so um, so we he ripped up he jackhammer the floor to get to the pipe, and then he had to cut like small cuts into the pipe to see where this thing even was to know how far he had to go to the pipe. Then he starts cutting off the pipe. Thankfully, he got the snake out in one piece. Yeah, so we didn't have to pay to repair that scope. Yes. And so then what ended up happening - He showed us the pipe - this is a cautionary tale for anyone who owns their own home. They were original pipes for the house, somebody had been pouring kitchen oil down the drain. And so we had what is known as a fat Berg. If anyone's ever heard of that, and what happens is fat hardens into essentially like if the it was like a, I don't know, six inch diameter pipe. We had maybe two to three inches in the middle of the pipe that wasn't solid from this fat like he had to take a hammer and break it out. Oh, it was so bad. So I'm sure at some point in people owning this house over the years somebody or somebodies were pouring a oil or something down the drain and it eventually just hardened. So cleaned it out, replace the pipe recemented the floor. And then as you this he's finally done by 4:30 and we're like So how much do you think this will cost and he's like Well, I don't know about I'll tell you it's gonna be real expensive. Oh, that was Sunday and Monday. And so that leads me to I'll post this on Patreon and we could really use some Patreon sponsors.

Carrie 10:15
Now's the time, get on Patreon and support us. Danie needs you

Danie 10:20
And actually we have a Patreon sponsor. Our very first one. That's right, my mom.So shout out to mom.

Carrie 10:33
Yeah, we appreciate you.

Yeah, I think we can get this out of my Mom.

Danie 10:43
patreon.com/WomenAFpodcast

Nicole 10:47
And I didn't know I forgot about this, but there's different tiers that you can do. So whether that be like I think we have like $1 we have $1 Yeah, and we have a $10 tier. Yeah, and with each one you get different perks. So I think like different things you can see different depending on the price point so check it out

Carrie 11:04
mom if you can't swing $1 a month for me. Do you even love me?

Adam 11:09
I have something to say here as someone who has made all right money via the Patreon model. I just want to say to your to your listeners, this is Adam here by the way to your listeners. There's value here and this show there is even if it's just entertainment value for you if you're getting something out of this show. These guys, these ladies, these women AF they put this out here for free for you and $1 a month is really not that much I think you've got $1 and a $5 tier and a $10 tier. Honestly, $10 a month for four or five episodes a month is not that much. So for sure go to patreon.com/WomenAFpodcast. Is that what it is? Yes, it is. So support these guys, they and I'm not saying that just because they pay me to do the show. I say that because creating things for consumption for people is an important thing. And it's important to support the arts and this is part of the arts, but that's my piece.

Carrie 12:30
Yeah, thank you, Adam. Well said Adam,

Danie 12:34
would you like to do our next ad read? That was so good!

Nicole 12:40
Okay, Carrie, what about you? What's been happening?

Carrie 12:42
Um, well, I think you guys know that I've had a couple weeks here where I've been struggling a little bit. Just feeling really overwhelmed with life. work has been so busy and it's really hard for me keep up and I'm new there and it stresses me out. But it's just project upon project upon projects. I'm trying to get through that. And then I've been sick. I did want to say I'm sorry if I cough, or blow my nose or hack up a loogie, I've been really sick. And that's been rough too. And just everything else has been busy. I've had freelance projects and stuff and it's just doesn't seem like I can ever catch a breath. And it's been really wearing on me a lot. So I'm just trying to get through that. And I do want to say that last night I went to an event. There was a speaker and she has her own little business where she's kind of a motivational motivational coach, I guess. So I went and listen to her talk. And that was really good and help to kind of clarify some things. Just being more kind of mindful about how you're organizing your time and focusing on what's the most important to you and just really kind of pinpointed some things that made a lot of sense to me. Yeah. And she's in the Madison area and her business is called rise with Sammy Jo. So if anybody needs just like a little Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, assistance. She's a wonderful person. And she helped me out just in that, you know, hour that I listened to her talk.

Danie 14:30
what was your best takeaway?

Carrie 14:33
Um, I think if it is valuable to you, you will prioritize it. If it's not, you can let it go, let it go. But you will make space for the things that really matter.

Nicole 14:48
So basically, do your best and give no fucks

Danie 14:54
I think that's exactly what she was going with. I like

Nicole 15:00
That's awesome. Okay, well Today our topic is going to be about how we are more than just a mom. But first we're going to take a quick break.

Chill Filtered ad 15:22
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Nicole 15:46
and we're back. That was that was me saying we're back. On the way here I was singing in the car so my voice is like a little bit more horse. Oh, that's great. really put effort into speaking Anyway, you know what?

Adam 16:03
It's interesting you say that because I've been sitting here thinking, well your voice is sounds a little better. I hate that. I know. Better. I don't mean that it sounds worse. You sound warmed up is what I'm trying to say.

Nicole 16:17
I am. I've been rockin for 50 minutes to get here.

Danie 16:20
so maybe you should do that all the time.

Nicole 16:23
Maybe a playlist that is just, like pump up music. I like pump up music.Yeah. Apparently get my voice warm. Good. Nice. Cuz I was jamming to Evanescence. Anyway, I'm sorry.

Adam 16:36
I know that I keep interrupting. This is not my show. But speaking of podcast music, I think I'm starting a new podcast. Oh, and it's kind of in the vein of stuff that you guys like of like murder stuff. Really. I don't think it's gonna be just I don't think it's gonna be just murder I created. Sometimes I just like to challenge myself and see if I can Do things and I've been sick this whole last week so I decided to see if I could create some podcast Intro music and and I ended up really liking the intro music and so I want to play it for you but I think it's gonna just gonna be like a 15 minute daily show where I read creepy stories or like, like true creepy stories.

Carrie 17:38
I know it's so good legitimately scary.

Adam 17:43
So anyway, sorry. Sorry for interrupting again, I just I'll be quiet

Carrie 17:47
keep keep our audience updated on where you're at with that because I bet a lot of us will be interested.

Nicole 17:58
Okay. Okay. So we are going to talk about I'm not just a mom, I get this question a lot. I feel like that's the first question that people ask me is like, Oh, do you have any kids? And I think that's really hard. When as a when I stepped into being a mom, I was so excited. But then I feel like I'm a different person.

Danie 18:22
In what way?

Unknown Speaker 18:24
like, when I'm a mom, I feel like I'm presenting a different person. You know how like, maybe this is just me, but I feel like when I'm at work, I'm work, Nicole, when I'm with friends, I'm friends, Nicole, when I'm, like a mom, I'm mom, Nicole. And I feel like it's another persona that I have to try and figure out how to manage and how to do. And I feel like I'm more than just that. I don't know. What do you guys think? How do you guys feel about?

Carrie 18:51
so you're saying you don't like having those different personas or you do?

Nicole 18:57
it's hard to balance that because now I'm like, I have to add In another one, but I love being a mom. That's the thing. Like I love being a mom and I wanted to be a mom for so long. But I feel like it's it's tough I and whats tough too. I feel like with and now this is probably gonna probably go in a different direction. Sorry, guys. But with the job market. Like being a career person. I feel like if somebody knows that I'm a mom or a newlywed, I'm not but if I was a newlywed, I feel like that's negative to the job market.

Carrie 19:34
If you're trying to find a new job.

Nicole 19:35
Yeah. So like for my Instagrams, I have a personal one. And then I have an art director, one, because I don't want people to know that I have like young kids, because I don't want them to think that I'm going to be out of the office a lot or like abuse that power. Yeah, I mean,

Danie 19:49
yes, I do. I think that's why people. So I have a lot of feelings about this. But two things based on just what you said. My last company, my boss, also had two kids. A lot of people at work had kids. But she was the only executive. So they I did the website and they had all written BIOS that I put on. And, you know, they have like a business bio. And then they each had a couple lines at the end about what, you know, personal something. She was the only woman on the executive team, no surprise. And she mentioned that she had two kids. Well, when she saw the website, she's like, Well, nobody else mentions they have kids. So can you change that line to this other thing? Because I don't want to be singled out as the only one calling out my kids because I'm the only woman on the board. Yeah. And I thought that that was interesting. I think it's a shame that she felt that she had to do that but I also understand exactly why she did because I do think she would have been discriminated against because if you are a straight couple, only one of you gets the Question. Well, don't you feel guilty about working? Yeah, my husband has never gotten that question. Yeah, my ever, you know, and even when I said I wanted to go back to work people were like, you're gonna change your mind?

Nicole 21:12
Yeah, no, I had a lot of people when I when I had my first I had a lot of people were like, we'll see if you come back. Yeah, but yeah, I love what I do. Like that doesn't change. I don't know.

Danie 21:14
I feel like as women we're valued but there's like this on off switch on your you're a mom or you're not a mom and your value is entirely summed up in that you're if Yeah, yep, like if you're a mom, that's it. You're a mom. Yeah, there's nothing else about you.

Nicole 21:44
Yeah, I don't care. That's the priority your mom.

Danie 21:46
Yeah, but if you're not a mom, then it's like, do you even care about people do you even care about like there's this then the opposite judgment right? Like you must be not a compassionate person because How dare you not want to be a mom? Right! Oh man.

Nicole 22:00
Yeah, I I will say though what's really nice? So I I've talked about this I have like a baby face. So a lot of people think that I'm like 12 and the last photoshoot, I went on, I got picked up in the airport by my producer, and I've never met her before she was a freelancer. And she, she was talking to me and I mentioned Oh, yeah, I have two young kids. And she goes, you have kids? I go, Yeah, she goes, Oh, I said you thought it was 12? She was yes. I was gonna say that. Like,

Danie 22:34
Everyone look for Nicole on MTV2 Teen Mom.

Nicole 22:39
So like having saying I have kids. I mean, I do have kids, but like, once I say, Oh, yeah, I have five kids. They immediately think I am. I'm older. I act older than what I am. Does that give you does that get you more respect? I feel like it does to certain people. Yeah, you know, yeah. Especially other moms, I feel like it gets respect for other moms.

Danie 23:05
And you feel like there's kind of a parent club.

Carrie 23:08
Yeah. Mom clubs specifically.

Danie 23:10
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. There's like this.

Carrie 23:13
There's a little bond there.

Danie 23:14
Yeah, yeah, we've faced this battle together. Yes.

Carrie 23:21
That's true.

Nicole 23:21
Isn't that the saying of like, you're the best mom. Before you had kids? Like I was a great mom before I had kids.

Danie 23:29
I also felt like people only had kids on accident. I didn't realize people planned it. I figured, oh you know, one day I'd get knocked up and kids. I was not like you in that I like wanted kids. I thought, Oh, it was an inevitable thing. Yeah. And then my two partners prior to Daniel, we have both at some point talked about kids. Just remember thinking I do not want kids with you. It wasn't until I met Daniel and even it was not right away. It was after we got married and I stressed out so much about whether or not I wanted to have kids like there was many nights where I was just crying because I felt like there was so much pressure. Yeah, I just didn't know if I even wanted to. And then, you know, throw in the diabetic complications and I was like, I just felt like even at that, it's like, at from the minute I met Daniel, people were asking me if we were going to have kids.

Nicole 24:21
I hate that.

Carrie 24:30
I hate that question. First of all, none of your business right secondly, I'll maybe you don't know yet. Right? And also none of your business

Nicole 24:38
and what if the reverse like my friend? I've had a couple friends that go through miscarriages. Yeah. What if you're going through that? I hate that question because you don't know where they're at. You don't know what heartbreaks they've done. Like?

Danie 24:51
I have several friends that are struggling with infertility issues and have been for years. Some Over a decade, and you know, that's a very painful question, especially when we value women as mom or not a mom. Because if that person wants to be a mom and is infertile, then somehow they feel like there's something wrong with them that they can't get pregnant.

Nicole 25:15
Yeah, I know, I hate that.

Carrie 25:18
Did Daniel want to have kids? Did he have an opinion on that?

Danie 25:22
He would have been happy either way. He did want kids but he didn't want me to feel pressured. So he never if I asked him directly, he would answer me. But outside of that, he was he played a very supportive role in letting me go through that experience. Like when we met with the, so there's a maternal fetal medicine doctor that's like, this is the doctor, you don't want to have to attend your birth, that usually means something really bad happen, like a heart condition or whatever. And so before We even started trying, I wanted to meet with that doctor to see, you know, what would trying to get pregnant, entail as a diabetic. Yeah. And essentially the entire appointment was like, first of all, I don't think you're type one I think your type to this person and just met decided he was going to rediagnose me with no information like it's not like he saw my chart or anything it was just a consultation and then spent the rest of it saying, well, because you're type one, here's the hundred ways that you could kill your baby. Great. And you would have to be induced early like we just that's how it goes. regardless of if there's a reason...

Carrie 26:39
So that guy didn't know anything.

Danie 26:40
Yeah, right. So I actually ended up like calling the hospital and complaining about him and saying I never want to see that doctor again. And she's the nurse was like, Oh yeah, we get a lot of complaints about him. like Oh, good.

Carrie 26:54
Maybe Get rid of him.

Danie 26:55
Yeah, no, it seems like a good idea. But I left that appointment crying and then I was like more unsure.

Nicole 27:00
Yeah, you know, that's hard. So... Oh man. Um, what is what are you? What were you like before being a mom? Are you guys like cuz I didn't know you guys before you guys were mothers. What were you guys like

Carrie 27:18
I definitely traveled a lot more traveled just explored a lot more yeah like I moved away for a while and just enjoyed being in a new place and then came back and then went to school for a new thing I just like to kind of constantly keep it interesting and new and that's not a thing I can really you know, it's harder now. But I do miss that just kind of being able to do whatever I wanted to do whenever I wanted to do it.

Nicole 27:48
Yeah, yeah, that was nice.

Danie 27:53
What were you like?

Nicole 27:54
I don't know. I feel like we don't know.

I feel like I don't know what I was like okay, because I feel like I had kids at a semi young age because that was my plan I wanted. I want to be a mom. I wanted to be have kids right away. So I really never really, I that was a horrible sentence I just had, but I never really had a time where I could figure out who I was outside of, because I had kids fairly close to college. I think I was like, two years out of college. And so I never really figured out who I was or anything, I just kind of embrace being a mom and I just loved it. And I would probably say, Now, I am and I maybe that's why I'm trying to balance the two is because I know how I am as a mom and I I like that. But now I'm trying to figure out who I am as a career person or creative person or just as Nicole as Nicole. Yeah, yeah. So that's that's been difficult. And I'm getting a little bit more confident, which has helped being a mom. Because as a mom, I feel like I have to be confident and like mother bear to my kids. And so with that kind of brings about a little bit more of a confident, Nicole.So I do like that.

Carrie 27:59
You don't know?

Danie 29:17
Yeah, I can see that's fun. I think I'm very similar. I don't really feel like I'm very much different. The only thing is, I'm probably less spontaneous, or have more planned spontaneity. You know, because, you know, obviously, with kids, you can't just be like, Hey, we're gonna go out tonight. And you know, kids, you're fine. Yeah, have fun. You know, you have to coordinate babysitter. Yeah, or whatever. But I think in general, personality wise, I think that any change has happened with just getting older, not so much having kids. Maybe I'm more patient. Maybe I'm less patient. I really could see that going Either way. Depending on the situation,

Carrie 30:02
It can be both Yeah, it can be both.

Danie 30:04
But I feel like while being a mom is an important part of my life, it's just part of my life. It's a piece that makes me me. And I don't think it's like being a mom, I don't think is a value statement, right? Yeah. It has no value on the worth of me as a human. Or if somebody doesn't have kids like this. There's no value statement there. It's just part of a greater picture, right? There's a lot more to me than this one. I mean, it's a big piece. Sure, but it's just one piece. There's a lot more to me. Yeah, I mean, hopefully you guys agree. There's so much more to me that makes me who I am.

Nicole 30:45
Yeah. And even like this podcast, how have you guys gotten the comment of what is it a mom podcast?

Danie 30:51
Oh, my goodness. So many times.

Nicole 30:53
Have you gotten that? Yes. Yeah. How do you answer that?Because I feel like we're not right. We are. but we're not.

Carrie 31:00
Oh, well, yeah, I struggled with this in the beginning, because I was like, how are we defining ourselves? Yeah, we're women. Yeah. And we're women who have kids. And those things are interrelated in a lot of ways. Yeah. And you can't extract one from the other. And so there's a bigger picture. But the parenting is definitely a big chunk of that picture. And no, we're not a mom podcast. Yeah. But that's going to play into it. Right as women.

Danie 31:31
Yeah. Yeah. Agreed. Because we are women who have kids and kids are, you know, a daily part of your experience, right? Yeah. Just like every day we go to work. That's part of our experience. We all have spouses. So that's part of our experience. We have families and friends like so all of these things kind of color. What we talked about what we feel because it color our experience, but that Yeah, I agree. We're not a Don't feel like we're a mom podcast we are women who have a podcast who are, you know, all these things were moms we're wives we're career women we're fun people. We're friends. You know, there's a lot about us. That's not just mom. Yeah. And

Nicole 32:19
there's a lot we want to talk about, you know, more than just like mom topics.

Carrie 32:24
There's so much to talk about.

Nicole 32:27
Everything

Carrie 32:43
I think it just, I don't, I don't want - I want to reach all women. I think that was maybe one of the stressors. I don't want to just be in that section of women who are moms. I want it to be all women because I don't think obviously I don't think you're more of a Woman if you have kids, and I think not having kids is honestly an awesome choice, and more power to you. So I want to have content for you too. Yes. You know, you're

Danie 33:11
I think we also want to hear everyone's opinion, right? Yeah. Like we, we, when we we don't want to just interact with people who are just like us. We Yeah, you know, we wanna we want to understand what it's like to be a cisgendered woman or mom or a non binary person or a trans woman or a woman of color, which we're all white and So, you know, that's clearly a different experience as well. I know there's, you know, additional boundaries there. Right. Yeah. So I think that it's, obviously not everyone will necessarily relate to our experiences. But I mean, in general, I feel like all of us feel like the world's a better place when people who are all Different. you interact with each other when

Carrie 34:02
we say Women AF we mean all women. Yeah. Well, if you're a woman, you're a woman AF whatever your whatever your situation, whoever you are,

Danie 34:10
right. And you can also I think we also mean it like because I would say Adams a Women AF Yeah, yes does not identify as a woman.

Adam 34:22
Yeah,

Nicole 34:22
if you if you support like my husband, he supports us and I feel like that makes him a Women AF to like, yeah.

I think Yeah,

Adam 34:31
yeah, I get it. I get it. Again, I'm interrupting you. But you brought me into this. To me, it kind of goes back to a silly scene from the office. And I believe it's Robert California. Says raise your hand It might be Michael Raise your hand if you love somebody with a vagina. And then raise your hand if you came from somebody with a vagina or something like that. So, like, that's kind of how I equate you saying that I'm a woman AF like, right? I'm not trying to say I love vagina or anything. Like what I mean is like, I am pro woman, you know, like I like I love my wife I love I love all women. Like I just I want to see women be successful and treated well and and be empowered. So like yes, I am Women AF

Danie 35:25
Yeah, yeah reminds me of the scene in Moana with Maui right before after you know he's like, and mankind and womankind. All people. It's not a guy or girl thing.

Nicole 35:44
Did I tell you guys my friend. He I found out he's a listener, but he's like this ba he like intimidates me, but he's like a super nice

Danie 35:53
Can you explain what BA is for people who may not know your lingo.

Nicole 35:57
Oh, sorry. badass. Yeah. He's a badassery man. But I casually was talking to him and I'm like, Oh, yeah, I have a podcast and he, he mentioned He's like, Oh, yeah, I'm a fan. I listened. I'm like, shut up. You are not That's so crazy. But yeah, I agree. It's like, people who support us and empower want to empower women. I love it.

Danie 36:23
Speaking of I've gotten several messages about toilet tongs. Like one, one friend of mine, Michelle sent me a message and she literally wrote toilet tongs hahaha. And that was the whole message.

Nicole 36:39
But I need to take a picture of mine. I found out. I posted about it the other day. And I found that there's a hashtag #toilettongs on the thing. So other people are hash tagging it.

Danie 36:53
Yeah. Well, the best part is when we went over to your house for game night on Friday. Yeah. Jerad So excited about toilet time. He's like, yeah, I have some and we're like, oh... we know. And he's like really there was this time and I was like, No, we know? I don't think I've ever seen somebody so excited.

Nicole 37:17
It was a it was his invention. I will say it was all him very smart. Yeah, I'll take a picture and I'll post it on social media. Women AF podcast.

Carrie 37:26
I gotta get on this toilet tong train. You do that. We will make #toilettongtrain everybody Hop on.

Nicole 37:37
I love it. Um, okay, I had another question. What kind of mom are you?

Danie 37:45
What are my options?

Nicole 37:46
Like? Well, I don't know. There's like, do you have you guys ever seen those? Like, here's a target mom or an Amazon mom or no?

Carrie 37:57
No What's that?

Nicole 37:59
You can You can like their personalities of what kind of Mom You are so like the Amazon mom is like you kind of sit there and you're like you ordering and you get it really fast but you're kind of a chill cool mom. The target mom is like you're up for adventure. You're like, let's go kind of target.

Carrie 38:15
I'm neither of those.

Danie 38:16
What's a hot mess mom?

Nicole 38:18
Oh, I don't know.

Danie 38:19
Am I a Walmart parking lot Mom? That's probably what I am.

Nicole 38:24
I do like that.

Carrie 38:24
But I'm going to join you there.

Danie 38:26
I don't know what's going on half the time.

Carrie 38:28
Yeah. We'll join you in the Walmart parking lot.

Nicole 38:32
Yeah, it's awesome. Okay.

Danie 38:34
I feel like I'm really confident in life outside of mom. And then as a mom, I'm like, Wait, how do you do this potty training thing? Wait, what about the what? Yeah, I actually wrote on my to do list like check if the kids are supposed to have a doctor's appointment because I was thinking it's been a really long time are they due like I don't even Well, that's the kind of my mom I am

Carrie 38:55
I think that's every mom, right.

Nicole 38:56
Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Carrie 38:57
Especially when your kids are real little. Yeah, I don't know how this works. Yeah, it's okay. That's cool. You get through it. I feel and I feel as having kids that are older you don't looking back You don't have to stress about most of that stuff. Oh, make sure their fed and that's that's about it. Yeah, yeah. change diapers. Yeah, you will do that. Yeah, yeah, that's a good one. But really, the rest kind of works itself out.

Nicole 39:26
Yeah, I remember being so stressed about formula like what formula to use and then don't

Danie 39:34
Don't wear formula that's weird.

Nicole 39:37
Now I know what was wrong.

Danie 39:39
That's why It wasn't working.

Nicole 39:42
I remember being so stressed out and like losing sleep over it and then going into like, a couple years later, my girl is almost four years old and I don't even care. I look back. I'm like that was silly.

Carrie 39:56
You know, It makes sense you don't know

Danie 39:58
Well you feel like everything you're gonna do is Wrong. Yeah,

Nicole 40:01
yes.

Carrie 40:03
And to someone it is.

Nicole 40:05
Yeah, that's true. There's always

Danie 40:06
Someone is gonna think that you're doing something wrong.

Carrie 40:09
Yeah, no matter what. So just yeah, whatever you do make it easier on yourself. And don't stress about it. Yeah. No one will take that advice, but I'm just saying it's fine.

Danie 40:19
I like that You're telling us not to stress.

Carrie 40:29
That's kind of how I am as a mom. Obviously, I was a little more protective and concerned as a mom of really young kids, but I think I was always a little bit more. I don't know. That's not even true. I don't know. I think it just changes depending on the day. That's the kind of Mom I am. Yeah, that's I don't know. Who knows. Different every day.

Nicole 40:55
Yeah, I'm the kind of mom that like stresses out hardcore about something like potty training I stress out hardcore. I read so many books I'm trying to figure out what method to do and then once like the day happens and I started it, I'm like, fuck this, I'll figure this out. I'm in it. Here we go. Like I just kind of go full throttle

Danie 41:15
We did a very low key potty training situation.

Carrie 41:21
Right, that is fine. You said that I that's an example of what I was trying to say earlier where I was saying I'm a little less concerned about things. It's like our potty training was like, whenever you're ready, buddy, he found that potty I'm not gonna be one of those moms. That takes a week off of work.

Nicole 41:37
Oh, I did that. I did that with Mali.

Carrie 41:41
Did it work? Is it worth it?

Nicole 41:43
Well, it depends on the kid. I drink personally. She was ready. She told us like okay, she was little but she would like go in her diaper and then run and find the, the like extra diapers and like lay on the floor and like Say, potty. She was ready. Yeah. So I took a whole weekend and I was like, all right, well, this is happening. So she was in dresses and it was springtime. And so we just Jared had to leave. Because he couldn't handle it. But yeah, it's a lot. I know but and it was like, you couldn't so whenever she would have an accident you you couldn't react because I reacted at first I'm like, Oh, no, you're having an accident and like trying to run her to the potty and she would like, full on freak out, freak out. She sat on the potty for a while and like cried because she didn't want to leave. She didn't want to have an accident. Yeah, like, Okay, I need to calm down. If There's an accident. There's an accident. I'll clean it up later. It's fine. I feel

Danie 42:43
I feel like Nova is the opposite like she does not care if she has an accident. She's like, Mommy, Daddy, my butt's wet. Like even now. Yeah, she has like, Well, yeah, when we're at your house She had two accidents. Yeah, like, full on. So that's why I finally borrowed a pair of your diapers. Yeah. Because I was like, we, you know, we're gonna run out a toddler underwear. We're just gonna put on a diaper, a baby diaper that's too small, but I'm going to make it fit. Yeah. I was just so excited that she was just like, whatever.

Nicole 43:19
Yeah, I know. I like it.

Danie 43:21
I heard on Facebook. I was listening to a thing. It was a business. Moms in business Facebook group. Yeah. And it somebody was talking about how they were, quote, just a mom, meaning that they were a stay at home mom. Oh, yeah. And that also really bothered me.

Nicole 43:44
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Cuz you're more than that. Any I hate

Carrie 43:49
by saying that she's obviously putting out there that she doesn't feel comfortable with it or she thinks people are gonna judge her or feeling like she's taken some kind of bad feelings about it.

Nicole 44:02
Yeah, like only a mom

Danie 44:04
but I've actually heard a lot of stay at home moms refer to themselves in that way. Yeah, not all of them but multiple friends of mine. And like I feel like or even friends of mine who are not moms but went for a period of time without a career. It's like because similar to this you know, mom on off switch I think we also value people by their career. Yeah, no, yeah, definitely. And so I don't know I think they're there in that way. I think they're very similar right like being a stay at home mom or career mom or not a parent at all or Yeah, whatever. Like, I don't know I just feel like the person somebody's value is like so much bigger than just like these handful of things.

Carrie 44:49
and it's not for anyone else to say it's not for anyone else to judge everyone's different likes different things if that woman wants to be a stay at home mom. Good for you. That's Yeah.

Danie 45:00
That's a lot of work.

I think we can all agree that's probably harder than our jobs. Going to our work.

Oh yeah. 1,000,000% I would lose my mind.

Carrie 45:11
Yeah, yeah, like a little vaycay when I go to work every day. Yeah, yeah. I can't imagine staying home with my kids. That's impressive.

Danie 45:18
Yeah, I think it's all. I think it's really hard. Yeah,

Nicole 45:21
I agree. Okay, well, I think that's, I think that's a good wrap up, right. That's a good ending. Yeah, sure. I'm so good at this moderating thing.

Danie 45:34
Well Nicole, if they want to tell us about who they are outside of just quote unquote, just being a mom, where might they find us at?

Nicole 45:43
great question, Danie? Well, you guys can talk to us through social media. We're on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, at WomenAFpodcast. And then we also have an email that you guys can shout out what - if you have any other topics you want us to cover? Feel free to send us an email. If you have any questions for us. Feel free to send us questions. If you have any takes on our topic today the let us know our Gmail is WomenAFpodcast@gmail.com and we would love to hear from you.

Danie 46:17
And our website is WomenAFpodcast.com.

Nicole 46:19
Oh, yeah, I forgot about that one.

Carrie 46:20
I feel like they could have guessed that

Danie 46:21
I mean, we should still say it

Nicole 46:23
And it's Pretty. Let's - the website's pretty.

Danie 46:27
Nicole did it!

Carrie 46:30
Way to pay yourself on the back there.

Nicole 46:32
I need it today. Today, okay, yes, I know. Okay. Well, we end this a cool way, way. Oh, we do we do. So I'm so good at that.

Carrie 46:43
We're gonna work on this outside the studio.

Nicole 46:46
okay. All right. Well, we are Women AF and we know you are too

Women AF 47:02
Women AF is produced by mortar box media and engineered by Adam Rostad intro and outro music is SqQZ by Shane ivers, check them out at Silvermansound.com and don't forget to subscribe and leave a review

Transcribed by https://otter.ai


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