Episode 9: Making Friends

Settle in everyone, because this week’s episode starts off with story time with Adam, as he reads us a delightful (and slightly hostile) tale that he wrote in high school. After that, we get into our topic: making friends as adults. We talk about why it’s so hard, how we make it extra awkward and the time Danie’s attempt to introduce herself with a high-five went wildly awry. (If that’s relatable, maybe tune in just for our pro tip on giving perfect high fives.)

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Women AF is produced by Mortar Box Media and Engineered by Adam Rostad. 

Intro and Outro Music is SQZ by Shane Ivers. Check him out at silvermansound.com

 

Transcript for Episode 9: Making Friends:

Please note: this transcript is for anyone who needs to or would prefer to use a transcript than listen to the episode. We do our best but please excuse errors in the transcript. 

Unknown Speaker 0:00
This is a mortar box media podcast for more podcasts and to learn how we can help you create your own visit mortar box media.com.

Carrie 0:18
Welcome to Women AF the podcast hosted by three friends who've bonded over entrepreneurial dreams, potty training gone wrong, and plans to dismantle that damn patriarchy. Also murder podcasts, duh.

I'm your host Carrie. And on my left I have the lovely Nicole.

Nicole 0:35
That's me.

Carrie 0:39
And on my right, Danie! you're also lovely, hello

Danie 0:42
Thank you!

Nicole 0:43
I feel like now we gotta box or something.

Danie 0:51
Are you ready Nicole?

Carrie 0:54
Let's do this. Guys. Tell me what's up what's going on. Did you waste all your good stories Danie or do you have more?

Danie 1:02
No that was my big one yeah I do we are doing something exciting this week I'm which is our planned spontaneity that I talked about, in our last episode, which you would have heard last week listeners, is that Daniel and I are doing we're doing a goal setting getaway.

Carrie 1:22
Well that sounds delightful

Nicole 1:25
Cute, I like it

Danie 1:26
That sounds simultaneously what like boring but exciting. I'm actually really excited about it.

Carrie 1:32
Of course you are.

Nicole 1:33
Yeah, yeah. I would be

Danie 1:35
But we're getting we got a hotel room. Despite the fact that we're going to have to pay a very expensive plumbing bill. We've been going back and forth. Should we rent a hotel, but I found a good deal on hotels.com

Carrie 1:47
Where is it that you're going

Danie 1:49
Local.

Carrie 1:49
Oh, nice. That'll be so fun.

Danie 1:52
My mom's gonna watch the kids overnight.

Carrie 1:54
Perfect. Yay.

Danie 1:57
So I'm really excited.

Carrie 1:58
Yeah. Okay. That's fun.

Nicole 2:01
I just did it. Oh, good. I just started What are you doing?

Carrie 2:04
Nicole?

Danie 2:04
I'm sorry,

Nicole 2:05
I just did it

Adam 2:06
Technical difficulties

Carrie 2:09
We're arguing over our timer

Danie 2:12
It looks like zero from here

Nicole 2:14
Oh, sorry. I just clicked it

Danie 2:15
I thought you were pointing I thought I was being helpful, I wasn't I just distracted everyone. So Nicole gets that first point

Adam 2:26
I know I interrupted a bunch on the last episode. but the sheer panic that set, over all of us right now, because Danie suddenly was like, inching across the table and like doing this weird point with her finger, and we were all like, shit. What is happening

Carrie 2:47
Anyway

Danie 2:48
Don't point at anything.

Carrie 2:51
Keep your fingers to yourself over there. Nicole, what about you. What's going on?

Nicole 2:59
Well I feel like the last couple weeks have been a little bit more rocky for me. Yeah, I'm just to the point of like, there wasn't anything like significant that happened. But I felt like there was a lot of comments just over and over again that just kind of chipped away at my confidence. For instance, I know I know on on Monday, I had a, like a fast impromptu Monday meeting and it was an on call with a client and kind of a bigger client and I, I was trying to be my energetic self. And so when we were on the phone, and they were explaining who's all in the room, I go, hiiii, kind of energetic and fun, and the client goes, Oh, that is too much, too much cheer for a Monday morning meeting. I'm like, sorry, I had a lot of coffee. Like stuff like that. Like I felt I've gotten a lot of comments that slowly, it wasn't huge but like, it just chips away. Yeah, so I'm trying to do like confidence boosters. I've been singing in the car and just trying to boost that confidence back up.

Carrie 4:10
We can give you compliments right now if you'd like

Danie 4:12
Yeah, your hair is beautiful.

Carrie 4:13
That's for sure.

Nicole 4:14
I appreciate it.

Danie 4:15
And your face is lovely.

Nicole 4:17
Thanks.

Carrie 4:19
I like the rest of you too. Does that help?

Nicole 4:25
Yes. whenever --you guys have watched the office, right -- whenever whenever Jared wants to give me a compliment, he goes, your art is the prettiest art of all the art

Danie 4:40
I think we can also all agree on our -- I don't know what we want to call this word I was gonna say our get out of jail word but that's definitely not a safety word -- When we're feeling down we should just yell out Gompers! Carrie, do you want to explain Gompers?

Carrie 4:59
If I can remember how it started. It was a autocorrect I texted us a messaged you something, right? Yes. I don't know what it was. It was some basic, basic word but it corrected to Gompers with a capital G.

Danie 5:14
And then we said, what if we call our listeners Gompers? Yeah. And then it was just so funny.

Carrie 5:21
I don't know. We both were dying.

Danie 5:23
Yes. I was at my desk. Yeah, we're laughing. So then we told Adam about our Gompers story. And he came back with a school, with a story that he'd written in school.

Nicole 5:36
Oh, yeah.

Adam 5:38
I'm gonna I'm gonna leave the room for a second. I'm gonna go see if I can find it. It should be right where I know it is

Danie 5:45
okay. And he wrote a story about a Mr. Gompers

Carrie 5:48
A squirrel right? A squirrel.

Danie 5:51
So hopefully, he finds it.

Carrie 5:52
And if you guys want us to call you Gompers, we totally will, do you guys want us to? Let us know

Danie 5:57
You can contact us at Women AF podcast@gmail.com or on Instagram or Facebook or Twitter

Carrie 6:06
We got a lot of followers on Twitter, guys.

Danie 6:07
Women AF podcast

Carrie 6:09
Come follow us on Twitter. We need more

Danie 6:11
And that's actually carries realm. Yeah, we all kind of have our own social that we kind of --we all participate in all the socials. But we all kind of have our

Carrie 6:21
Take over one a little bit.

Danie 6:24
And yeah, Carrie dominates Twitter.

Carrie 6:27
I dominate Twitter! It was so funny because I was trying to get more followers more followers and I had, excuse me, can hit 99 and I was like, ooh, my goal is to hit 100. Like, soon like, so I kept like, following people just hoping for a follow back and then I kind of was like, Okay, and then I was so excited to see it turn 100 and next time I looked, it was 103 and I was like, Oh. I was disappointed.

Danie 6:59
hey, three people can you unfollow us please? Then follow us again?

Carrie 7:04
Oh, it's way more than that now but

Danie 7:06
it is right yeah,

Carrie 7:08
But we want more so everybody Follow us on Twitter at Women AF podcast

Danie 7:13
right. What was that face?

Carrie 7:17
I'm not sure why I'm so I struggle so much with the socials. They throw me off but it's the same name on everything

Danie 7:24
it is. Everything is Women AF podcast.com at gmail.com Facebook

Carrie 7:31
with a little @ symbol at the front

Danie 7:33
Patreon Women AF podcast patreon.com forward slash What is it?

Carrie 7:38
Women af podcast so it's easy to find us go find us. Say Hey, recommend some topics.

Danie 7:46
Yeah Gompers, we want to hear you. go on Gompers.

Nicole 7:50
I personally like little AFers

Carrie 7:58
Maybe we should do like a poll

Danie 8:01
Hey everyone vote for Gompers, AFers, or you know, other.

Carrie 8:08
You got something else, throw it out there. We're open to all suggestions. I like it.

Nicole 8:12
I think that's cute. What about you, Carrie?

Carrie 8:15
What about me? I do kind of want to do an update on something I talked about a few episodes ago about my son's nightmare situation. In like the last week, it's gotten much better. Yeah, he hasn't been walking around the house. He hasn't done that for a little while now. He will wake up some nights and cry. But he doesn't really necessarily need to get out of bed. He might kind of step out of bed but then we'll get back in bed. And he'll cry and they'll be back asleep within a couple minutes. So it's definitely a step up. And I'm really, really grateful.

Danie 8:55
Yeah, yeah. Are you getting sleep again.

Carrie 8:57
Yeah, my sleep's pretty good. Whee. Everything's better when you sleep

I do want to say I'm really happy to be here again recording with you guys because I always miss you guys when I don't see you when we're apart because we always have so much fun during our recordings, and we have so many things to talk about. And I feel like we've talked about a lot of times on this podcast, and like on social stuff, how we met, and we were just like, instantly friends, like we all just like clicked right away. Yeah, we talked about that several times. Yes, we have. And I think one of the reasons we've talked about it so much is because isn't that kind of like a little small miracle to make a friend that easily as an adult? like that doesn't happen very often. It's very rare. And it's very special. And so, guess what, that's what we're going to talk about today. We're talking about making friends, as adults and why it's hard and what we can do about it. And I'm excited to get into it. But before that... we're having all sorts of difficulties today, before that, we're gonna take a little break. Alright, we're back. And we're gonna start talking about our -- OH Adam came back with the story

Nicole 10:21
Wait, hold on, what's what font is on the top of that?

Carrie 10:26
Is it comic sans?

Nicole 10:27
It is, I cannot read that

Carrie 10:30
All right, what's it called?

Adam 10:32
Okay. This was written, I believe in my junior year of high school. And it's called Samuel Gompers. And yes, it is written and typed and printed in Comic Sans.

Nicole 10:48
Ugh, I can't, I can't

Adam 10:51
We've all made mistakes in high school. so if you guys will indulge me. I'm going to read this to you. I got an A minus on this. All right, with Suzanne Wells.

Nicole 11:04
It was the Comic Sans.

Danie 11:05
Yeah, Gompers coming full circle.

Adam 11:08
Again. This story is titled Samuel Gompers. Samuel Gompers finally did it. He won the game Jeopardy more times than that stupid moron Ken Jennings. I don't think that I don't think it's about a squirrel.

Carrie 11:23
Okay, twist

Adam 11:24
it had been Samuel's goal ever since he saw can win over $2 million. Last year. Samuel spent the last six months memorizing hundreds upon hundreds of trivia books. He was a shoo in. You might say that Samuel Gompers was a little obsessed with beating Ken Jennings. It was July 21 2004 and Samuel Gompers, Samuel Gompers' chance had finally come. He applied to be a contestant on the show. As soon as Ken Jennings had won his 25th game, right at that moment, he knew he had to. He knew he had to be Ken Jennings. That was over four months ago. Now his chance had come. The producers called him up and told him to be at the studio at nine o'clock. Samuel got there early. And when nine o'clock rolled around Ken Jennings was nowhere to be found. The producers asked everyone to take their places and wait for Ken. You see, Ken had grown cocky with everyone at jeopardy. He had been coming into in late to this set since about his 10th show. So everyone just stood in their places on set until he got there. It was always very aggravating. And as usual, Alex Trebek was drunk off his... well, let's just say he was pretty drunk. And that never helps. when Ken walked in, everyone cheered everyone that is except Samuel. He had punishment on his mind. He was going to wipe the floor with Ken Jennings' Mormon face. The other contestant eagerly

Reminder I got an A minus.

The other contestant eagerly shook his hand And told him how huge of a fan he was. Ken just blew him off and went to his personal dressing room to get pampered. Well, after waiting another hour for Ken to show up, the show finally got started. As usual, Ken wrote his name in some fancy, fancy way with which everyone thought was so cool. But not Samuel, he was focused on his goal, annihilating Ken Jennings. Alex open the show and they were underway. The first category that was chosen was colors that end with -urple. Samuel Gompers was sure he would dominate this category. And sure enough, he did. He got every question right. Ken threw a fit and almost left the stage but then the producer shot him with a tranquilizer dart filled with Valium. And that calmed him down. In the next category, months that start with Feb the other contestant collectors but buzzer and guessed -- Oh, this is stolen completely from Saturday Night Live. By the way. -- Yeah, the other contestant click this buzzer and guessed Febtober. Needless to say he was wrong, and yet he seemed giddy about it. Ken ran the board with the rest of the questions in that category, but Samuel was able to balance out the score and the next set of questions. Everyone was very surprised that Samuel Gompers was able to be this close to Ken Jennings. By the time Final Jeopardy rolled around, Ken had $13,800 Samuel had $13,500 and the other contestant had negative 50,000. Before they went into the Final Jeopardy, I took a break and Alex Trebek approached Samuel, he asked him if he would please win, so we wouldn't have to deal with Ken Jennings anymore. Samuel said he would try his best Samuel had to go to the bathroom and when he went in there, he saw Ken Jennings buying the answers to the Final Jeopardy question from a producer. This made Samuel Gompers very angry, so he did just what he wanted to do. He wiped the floor with Ken Jennings, stupid Mormon faith. It was very sad. Ken went unconscious and they had to do Final Jeopardy without him. So Samuel Gompers won. He went on a longer winning streak than Ken did, winning 165 games in a row. He ended up with $4.7 million. And it was beautiful. Ken Jennings was later rested by the government for tax evasion.

Stupid Mormon

Wow -- is now serving a 35 year sentence at a maximum security prison. The End. Author's note: this story is in every way possible a fictional story just about everything I said was fiction. All except that Ken Jennings won a lot of Jeopardy games and that he is Mormon. Yeah, that rocks.

Danie 15:43
Wow. I mean, it could have been about a squirrel that

Carrie 15:47
I know you know what? I pictured a squirrel the whole time

Adam 15:51
I did too. I don't know why I had a squirrel my mind But anyway, sorry for taking up time and doing that. But

Carrie 15:57
that was amazing.

Adam 15:58
Actually, you know what story set so I do thing called Madison story slam go check out the podcast every now and then we do a show at Madison stories I'm called read it and weep. And the reason that I knew about this is because at that show, what we do is we have people come and read things that they wrote before they graduated high school. It could be short stories, it can be letters, journals, songs, whatever. Those are really fun. So anyway, I was fantastic. I think you guys should bring in some old writings anyway. That's all

Carrie 16:24
man. I don't know if I have the bravery for that

Nicole 16:28
I would laugh at myself. Isn't that a podcast, where they read old diaries.

Carrie 16:35
mortified

Adam 16:37
And then there's grownups read things they wrote as kids. It's basically the same podcast. And then I started a podcast called read it and weep show, but I don't I don't do the podcast anymore. I just I just morphed it into the Madison story slam

Carrie 16:50
Those are always funny.

Nicole 16:51
I do like them

Carrie 16:53
all right, well, moving on to our topic of the day, making friends as adults. Why don't we start talking about why this is such a hard thing-- Actually, when I was thinking about this topic, Nicole, I thought of you right away because, well hold on. Because I feel like it's really hard as adults. And it's compared to how easy it is as kids like, I feel like as kids, you make friends, no problem. Because you're in school. You're in school with these people every day for years. You go through all the same stuff. You learn the same stuff. You're going to find friends. That's how it is. That's easy. But Nicole. I mean, I'm sorry. You like to bring it up, I'm gonna bring it up this time.

Nicole 17:39
Do it

Carrie 17:41
you were homeschooled.

Nicole 17:42
I was.

Carrie 17:44
So how did that work for you. How was your social life as a kid?

Nicole 17:49
Bad. Yeah, because I mean, up until like, sophomore year of high school. All my friends were chosen for me. Because like my mom, like, it was either homeschool friends that we would just hang out together. And then it was I was just kind of thrown into the world of public school and I just had to figure it out. And that was really tough for me because, and I still, not as bad but, especially in college, and then later High School. Whenever I would do a one on one with somebody, I would literally shake. Like, my whole body would just like, like do a little shake. And I don't think anyone really noticed but internally, I'm like, I was so scared because I was scared of what I could talk about. What if there was an awkward pause like, Oh, no, that probably means they hate me. Like it was just it was so bad. But then I took a class in, in college called Spin marketing. So yeah, spin marketing. I think it was it was called. And basically He was like a car salesman. And he talked about how to make an impression on somebody. And it was weird, but it actually really helped my social skills. Because it was questions like, when you're in a conversation with somebody and you talk more about them, or you ask them questions, they're not going to remember, no matter what, they're not gonna remember anything about you, but they're going to remember how you make them feel. So if you're doting, not doting, but if you're actively like, asking them questions, or saying like, Hey, how are you and reminding and like, still making conversation with them, and it's all about them, then they're going to always remember Oh, that Nicole, she was so nice. And like, just remember that feeling back to it. So that kind of stuff really helped me and it made me like, really think about being deliberate with some of my questions and going from there. But I have a question. How did you guys meet because I remember how all three of us met. I think we've talked about me and Carrie, but how did you two meet?

Carrie 20:03
Danie tell the story.

Danie 20:04
Okay. So I started in a brand new job, and I was trying to get into, like, the activities at the job so I could meet people. Okay, so the way the, like the there's a campus there and there's like multiple buildings. And I at the time was in like the building furthest away from like, literally everything I had to take a shuttle to get to the main building. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah. So I was like, I would come in, like for lunch or to work out. But of course, then I had to take a shuttle so I didn't have a lot of time. So I had heard of a potential, like, quote unquote, workout class called adult recess. And I wanted to find out about it. So I had to email the group, the the group that had said something about it, and I was like, Hey, what's this adult recess? And one person replied, and it was carrie who very aggressively said it's fun you need to go.

Carrie 21:10
Listen, I was so passionate about adult recess, I was constantly trying to get people to go to that class it was so much fun and no one would ever go

Nicole 21:19
What is it?

Danie 21:20
It's just like we went outside and played games

Carrie 21:22
We played games like made up games like anything like kid games like tag like, yeah all sorts of stuff. Yeah.

Danie 21:28
Or like kind of kickball. It was like a kickball tag thing?

Carrie 21:32
Yeah, just made up stuff. Yeah, one time we played soccer with a cardboard box. Like, way more fun than it sounds But yes. just dumb stuff like that. And I always was like, everybody, let's go to adult recess and everyone was like, Nah

Danie 21:46
We want a real workout.

Carrie 21:50
Yeah, so I was all over this. I was all over this.

Danie 21:52
And so we I came nervously to this adult recess because I didn't know anybody. I was already nervous because this this was me getting back into like, exercising postpartum. Like I hadn't been back yet. So then I was like, okay, everyone's gonna judge me because I'm going to run and I'm going to be out of breath or like, Whatever. I'm going to be like hacking up a lung. And then Carrie was like, Hey, you came! we're gonna do adult recess. Oh, let's play bocce ball or whatever it was they were in like, and everyone was just fun and then carrie like, was like a mama bird. And she was like, You don't know anybody. So I'm gonna be your friend. So we were instantly friends

Nicole 22:37
That's really cute. I like that. Yeah.

Carrie 22:42
That doesn't happen nowadays. Does it

Danie 22:44
yeah, cuz then actually, like every single workout class after that, we were always partners. Like immediately.

Carrie 22:50
Yeah. After I was friends with you I didn't need any more friends.

Danie 22:53
That's right. No friends.

Carrie 22:57
We also

Nicole 23:00
I know it was the same like I got invited by Carrie to a workout class. And then when I got there I felt so welcomed by Carrie especially and then Carrie, kind of like, shooed me next to you, Danie. And then all three of us were like, this is cool.

Carrie 23:16
My mission in life is to bring people together through physical activity.

Danie 23:22
Then we used to like, go for walks to visit you in your building.

Nicole 23:26
That's right

Danie 23:26
once I came over to the other building,

Nicole 23:28
yep. Yeah. And then I would walk with you back. Yeah. It worked out. Well.

Carrie 23:33
Yeah. Now has that happened you guys many other times as grown ups

Danie 23:40
what, making fast friends like that

Carrie 23:41
yeah, where you just click.

Danie 23:45
It's happened a couple times. Yeah. And I feel like it's always super intense.

Nicole 23:48
Oh, really.

Carrie 23:49
What does that mean

Danie 23:51
Similar to us. It's like, I feel like when your your kids, you're making friends with people you're around all the time. So there's kind of like a slow growth, right. Yes.

Carrie 23:59
Right, yeah.

Danie 24:02
My experience making friends for the most like, I'm going to clarify when I'm talking about making friends. I'm talking like inner circle friends, not acquaintances, because that's a very different thing, right? I can make acquaintances very easily. That's no problem.

Nicole 24:16
Oh, I can't do that.

Danie 24:17
Because I mean, have you heard me on this podcast? I don't have a problem talking. I don't think I am an acquaintance. But I'll find them. And I'll just like talk to them. Yeah. But I also can keep it very high level. Yeah, like I don't. I'm very cautious about who I let into that inner circle, right. Yeah. And so, for me as an adult, the couple times that I've made really good friends, it happens, It's almost instantaneous. Yeah. And sometimes it's just for a season. Like, we're like best friends for like, I don't know, six months or whatever. And usually at that point, if we stop it's because like, they moved away or left a job, right? Something happened like that. But it's usually like it's a handful of people in my adult life that it was like suddenly I was really close with, a couple of them I'm still really close with, but I would say most of them I've lost contact with because of something like life. Not like anyone was on bad terms. Right. We saw each other I think everything would be awesome again, but it's like, you know, people move on, but it was Yep. Yeah, it's just always like, whoop, we're friends.

Carrie 25:26
Good, that's cool. Nicole. That's not a thing for you?

Nicole 25:29
I I've had it. A couple people maybe. But I I've never really been the one to like latch on like, I've been like, Okay, hi. Cool. What's up? Cool. But I've never really been the one to be like, Yay.

Danie 25:45
But you're an introvert, right?

Nicole 25:46
I am. But I love. I love to talk to people when I know I'm supposed to talk to people. Like if I'm on an airplane. I really want to talk to the person next to me because

Carrie 25:56
Really?

Nicole 25:57
Yes, cuz I'm like, I want to know

Carrie 25:59
That's not what an introvert does

Nicole 26:01
But like, I don't want to talk to everybody on the plane, I just want to talk to this guy that's or the girl that's next to me. I want to know their life story. I want to be friends with them, and then leave. There are set parameters and then I walk away. Okay? So and through that I've had like a couple like I have a best friend since high school, we're still really close. And then everything else has just kind of been, I do my best to make time for them. And then if it works out, it works out and we become closer and if it doesn't, then it just doesn't. We have a system, my husband and I because we both value like relationships and stuff. And we we acknowledge that when we have kids and when we're married, that sometimes we don't really get to hang out with people. So we have a, each of us have a night a week that we get to like go out with a friend So um, I have certain set days that like I know I don't have to go home and hang out with the kids or put the kids to bed I can like call it my friend and say hey, do you want to go to Buffalo Wild Wings or something? That's my jam.

Carrie 27:14
Nicole loves Buffalo Wild Wings, so much

Nicole 27:18
I get I get their rewards. Anyway. I've gotten me and my friend a whole meal free.

Danie 27:25
No, I believe that. anytime we let you pick the place,

Nicole 27:30
it's always there. And I love their branding. Anyway. So I think that's really nice and helpful because I can always pick a day and I always try and figure out who I can reconnect with.

Carrie 27:43
That's an awesome idea.

Danie 27:44
That is. Have you ever stayed friends with any of these plane people?

Nicole 27:47
This, the last plane ride I took. I am still friends with him.

Carrie 27:53
Wait, wasn't that like a couple of weeks ago?

Nicole 27:55
But like we've followed each other on Instagram, but granted I think he's a freelancer. So I think he's trying to like, get a job, network? Yeah, but either way like he was a designer, like I saw a Macbook and I'm like I need to know about you.

Carrie 28:12
So you initiate that conversation on the plane

Nicole 28:14
I do unless they put in their headphones. And I'm like, yeah,

Danie 28:16
which is funny because you're an introvert.

Carrie 28:18
Yeah, I would not have expected this of you at all.

Danie 28:21
And I'm an extrovert, and I'm the exact opposite on the plane. I prefer well, because I think, so, I'm an extrovert. But sometimes I just need, like, I need the ride home to be just me or I need I need a minute where I can like, just also be with myself. Quiet time. Yeah. And like when I'm on the plane. That's like, the perfect quiet time. I have had some really interesting conversations with people who decide to talk to me regardless of the headphones in my ears.

Nicole 28:53
Oh my gosh, like those are bold people. I'm not that

Danie 28:56
Yeah, they're usually older people. Oh, they just like they just So, I'm notice doesn't matter. They'll just keep talking until you respond. So like. We're having this conversation I guess. But they end up being some very interesting conversations.

Nicole 29:11
Yeah, sure. It is fun.

Danie 29:12
What about you Carrie? Fast friends?

Carrie 29:14
Yeah. Yeah, it's, it's I feel like it's really dependent on the situation that you're in. Because last week, I said to my husband, I said at the last job I was at, which I was only at -- I wasn't at a very long time. I made so many friends it was like friends upon friends and like, friends I want to hang out with and like we clicked and everything. And I said at my new job, I haven't made any friends. I'm all by myself

Danie 29:49
But you also just started.

Carrie 29:51
well, like I said, I wasn't at the last one very long. But he said, the last one, that was kind of part of your job it was a very social job, you had to talk to people, I had to learn people's names that was part of my job. I was making them feel welcome. This was at the gym. And so, there I just opened myself up to like connections easy, you know, you get to know people and he's like, at your current job, you just sit there and work in a cube basically, he's like, it just makes sense. I'm like, that's a good point. But I feel like a loser still. So you know, when the conditions are right, it's not as hard but the conditions are not always right.

Danie 30:32
Yeah, right. Yeah.

Carrie 30:33
Yeah, cuz I really want that to happen currently. I want everyone to be like Hey, and we click

Danie 30:38
I feel like your last job was also a) an environment, you felt very comfortable in. So you weren't and it was a thing you already knew how to do. So it's not like you were trying to learn a new job or process at the same time, which already feels like a lot of pressure. And then also it's a very like social activity.

Carrie 31:00
It's a very social activity and it's a very supportive by nature activity, right? Like that particular gym. I'm just going to say what it is. Burn boot camp. It's like, kind of built into their culture. Like they have a list of rules on the wall. And one of them is about giving high fives. Yep. You know, and another one is about you. A rule is that you make new people feel welcome. Yeah, those are rules like and everyone like really supports each other. It's because it's hard. It's really hard. It's a hard so you feel like you have to support and you need the support back. So yeah, it was just baked into that place is like you're gonna make friends. Yeah, that's so that it was great. It was amazing. And now what's the opposite of that?

Danie 31:45
Well, I do feel like to like sometimes it just takes time, right? Like, Oh, yes. are like, several months into me working there before we became friends and I feel like you were my first friend friend. Yeah. Friend, friend. You know, and I had been there for at least six months at that point.

Carrie 32:07
Yep. It makes perfect sense that I don't have friends in my work right now.

Danie 32:11
Not that it's gonna take, you know, six months, but by now, you know, yeah, I was also in different building. That doesn't make it easier.

Carrie 32:18
Correct, yeah. I think the thing is, you made the effort to put yourself out there and to email the group. And to actually get on that shuttle and come all the way over. I feel like a lot of people would be like, Oh, that's uncomfortable. I'm not going to do that.

Danie 32:32
Also, but your current job has a beer fridge. That's a real good place to make friends. Just stand by the fridge.

Carrie 32:38
And wait. Hi would you like a beer, I'll get it for you. I got an opener.

Danie 32:46
But you gotta respond by being my friend.

Carrie 32:51
That's the thing. I do have to maybe

Danie 32:52
ooh -- your opener ring.

Carrie 32:54
Yeah, no, no, remember? I told you I pulled that out at work last week and I think I impressed a lot of people

Nicole 33:02
Good job.

Carrie 33:03
I'm kidding. I don't think I did. But

Danie 33:05
Wait, didn't you cut your hand?

Carrie 33:06
I cut myself a little trying to use my bottle opener ring, whatever. It's fine.

Danie 33:11
I mean, if anything they know you're hardcore. Yeah, I will open this beer, don't mind the blood. We're bonded for life.

Carrie 33:24
Yeah, no, I think I gotta make some plans to just be a little more outgoing. Like, instead of emailing someone go to their desk. Or learn names like I had to at Burn. Yeah, that's huge. Because then if you walk past someone in the hall and say, Hey, Josh, that's kind of just a intro.

Danie 33:42
You joshin' me? Don't do that. Don't do that.

Carrie 33:46
I'm not gonna do that. Above all you gotta be cool to make friends. Come on.

Danie 33:53
No, that has not been working for me yet. No, I think my un-coolness makes me friends.

Carrie 33:57
I mean, that's probably why we all became friends. We're all really uncool together.

Nicole 34:03
I have an awkward story. So when I first started, one of my jobs, I was really intimidated by everybody. And I was like trying desperately to make friends. And I was like walking back and forth in front of this kind of hall of desks. Like just because I didn't know where a conference room was. So I'm just kind of like, ahhhh, and this girl this sweet girl. Lindsay, if you're listening, hi. She, like reached out. She's like, Do you need help? Oh, like, Yes, I do. And so she found me. Well, then, I think it was the next day. I wanted to be like, she talked to me. I need to talk to her again today or she's gonna forget about me. I like try to find her desk again. And then I saw this girl. She was wearing a hat and so I was like, we already know each other-ish. So I'm gonna make a joke.

Carrie 34:52
Oh no

Nicole 34:53
My joke was like, Oh, are you cold.

Carrie 34:56
Oh my god. It wasn't Lindsay was it

Nicole 35:01
No, it was not Lindsay

Danie 35:06
I like that that was your joke -- oh, you cold?

Carrie 35:08
Hilarious, first of all. See, this why we're all friends. So what did she say?

Nicole 35:19
Thankfully, she was such a sweetheart and I'm still friends with her too I just felt like

Carrie 35:27
Were you immediately like, I'm so sorry.

Nicole 35:29
And I tried to like, act cool like, Oh, hi. And I think she she was so sweet. She's like, Hey, I don't think we met yet.

Carrie 35:38
That was really nice.

Nicole 35:40
But now we have

Danie 35:41
But are you cold?

Nicole 35:44
I like your hat. Oh it was really bad.

Carrie 35:50
Honestly, I don't think it's a bad thing to just throw your uncool awkwardness out there right off the bat. That's a really good way to gauge If this person could possibly be your friend or not,

Danie 36:02
right, because if they don't, if that matters to them, like them then it's not gonna work out anyway.

Nicole 36:07
And if not they can at least laugh at you. Like, that's where I come from. Like I try and come off as like a goof, because then they'll feel comfortable. And want to reach out to me. Yeah, hopefully.

Danie 36:19
The first time I met my sister in law. One of my sister in laws. Was at my brother in law's wedding. And I decided this was a perfect decided this was a perfect time to give her a (giggle fit starts)

Nicole 36:38
I'm nervous.

Carrie 36:41
Oh no. She's lost it. lost it.

Danie 36:44
I decided it was the perfect tim to give her a high five and I missed her hand and slapped her in the face. I slapped her in the face at her brother's wedding she just looked at me like What? and I'm like Oh my goodness. Nice to meet you.

Carrie 37:04
Please tell me she laughed.

Danie 37:08
She looked at me a little bit in horror and well and then when I get embarrassed, I start laughing. So I started laughing because I was just mortified. She probably thought I did it on purpose.

Carrie 37:22
Oh my god. Oh, did she was she? Like what was her reaction?

Danie 37:28
After she realized it was clearly an accident. Yeah, then she thought it was funny. And I think she probably just thought I was drunk which I hadn't even started drinking yet.

Carrie 37:37
That's fine, just let her think you're drunk at that point

Danie 37:39
Like Yes, you're right wasted.

Nicole 37:41
Yeah, you got it. See, you can't get worse than that.

Carrie 37:47
You mean, slapping someone in the face?

Nicole 37:47
Yeah, mistaking the wrong person. You can't get worse than that

Danie 37:53
Just joshin you

Carrie 37:57
See and it turned out fine both times. Right. Like don't overthink it. If you want to talk to somebody new just throw it out there, be weird, be dumb.

Danie 38:08
don't slap them in the face though

Carrie 38:12
Don't get violent

Danie 38:13
No. Maybe don't start with a high five if you don't have great coordination

Carrie 38:18
You should go to Burn because then you learn a lot of high fiving skills

Danie 38:22
There's actually a trick.

Carrie 38:26
It's true. And I think most people at Burn have learned it because you can't do bad high fives, it's embarrassing.

Danie 38:32
Carrie what's the trick?

Carrie 38:33
You look at the other person's elbow when you're about to high five them

mostly works

Danie 38:39
Best high fives

Nicole 38:39
OK let's try, ready go ... oh shit

Carrie 38:43
I forgot to look at your elbow, I couldn't reach across the table, do over

Nicole 38:47
Okay .... That was a good one

Carrie 38:50
It was good. I felt like I hurt you a little bit though.

Danie 38:53
Carrie and I can't High Five anymore. We are too aggressive.

Carrie 38:57
Yeah we really hurt our hands. very enthusiastic with the high fives.

Nicole 39:03
That's good. I like it. I like it.

Carrie 39:04
As long as you don't slap someone in the face. Hey, go for it.

Nicole 39:07
Yeah, yeah. Do you guys ever have people that you like See, either at work or somewhere else? You're like, I want to be your friend.

Danie 39:15
Oh yeah.

Nicole 39:17
Do you ever like approach them?

Carrie 39:19
Like, kinda like a girl crush?

Nicole 39:24
Yeah but then you're intimidated? Yeah.

Carrie 39:26
Yeah. And then it's extra hard to throw that awkward out there. Because you actually want to be cool because you think they're cool. And yeah, it's really hard.

Danie 39:35
Yeah, I really struggle too the where I struggle the most is work networking functions. Because I feel like you have to be professional. And so like if it was just a regular networking fuc -- function.

Carrie 39:53
I'm sorry, a what?

Danie 39:54
A function. I feel like it'd be like when we go to Madison, Madison story slam. It's easy for me to talk to who's ever at the table

Carrie 40:05
because it's a casual event, no pressure.

Danie 40:08
But when I go to conferences for work, and we have those mandatory networking events, and you have to wear the name tag and like, all the things I get so nervous, and and then you have people in clusters and I'm like, do I just I was like, how do I do this that That, to me is the hardest particular situation because unless there's like an easy in it's just kind of hard to insert yourself into those conversations with and try to not be awkward. Yeah, cuz again, it's professional. Yeah. And I can just be my normal, awkward self. Yeah.

Carrie 40:41
I'm glad I don't have to do that.

Danie 40:42
It's real tough. Although the last conference I went to, well, two conferences ago, when I went by myself, I did better because I didn't care. My boss, or my coworkers weren't there to be like, wow, that was awkward

Carrie 40:57
So you didn't feel like anyone was watching you.

Danie 40:59
Yeah. So now I was like, all right, if someone thinks I'm dumb, whatever, I'll talk to somebody else They're not gonna know who I am. Yeah,

Carrie 41:05
That's good. Maybe we got to take more of that approach. Just in general, even if your coworkers are there.

Danie 41:11
Yeah.

Carrie 41:12
Who cares what they think about.

Nicole 41:14
Okay. Do your best.

Carrie 41:17
And give no fucks. It applies in every situation

Nicole 41:21
Yeah, I love it. Oh dear.

Carrie 41:28
Well, any other tips you guys have for making friends? What can I do? What can I do at work?

Danie 41:34
I think you just have to put yourself out there.

Nicole 41:36
And remember one thing from somebody, like if you get any nuggets of information from somebody be like, hey, yeah, this weekend, I went to a concert. Go back and ask them

Carrie 41:45
That is a good call. That is hard for me to do because I am so focused on myself because of being because I'm nervous. You know, like, what am I doing wrong. It doesn't matter about me.

Nicole 41:57
No, yeah, because they're gonna remember that you asked them and you remembered about them

Danie 42:02
like Michael Scott. He has a Rolodex, on the back of his. Okay. Yeah, clearly I've seen the office too many times, on the back of his Rolodex he put notes about people. If they have three kids, whatever it is

Nicole 42:17
that's what my car salesman taught me is like you're supposed to have little notes and like put reminders in your calendar about asking them things. So I do that.

Carrie 42:28
So you're saying I gotta get out my cozi app again?

Nicole 42:31
Yeah, make lists

Carrie 42:32
Cozi needs to sponsor us.

Adam 42:34
And Michael Scott color codes, the notes on the back of his rolodex.

Nicole 42:38
That's right, what not to ask them and what to ask them

Adam 42:41
And he says he marks them as green, which means he says which I know means to go ahead and not talk about it. To just shut up.

Nicole 42:53
That's right I remember that. Yes. That's a good one. Who do you guys think you are in the Office? What characters.

Carrie 43:03
Did we talk about this.

Nicole 43:05
We talked about Friends

Carrie 43:07
on Facebook wasn't that something?

Danie 43:08
No today we were talking about who we were are on New Girl.

Carrie 43:11
I know that, I remember that was today thank you very much. It was a while back was it? Who are you or maybe it was just Who's your favorite character? Maybe, whatever, my favorite character might still be who I think I am. Phyllis?

Nicole 43:30
You totally are Phyllis. That's right. We did talk about this, I took a like a Myers Briggs personality test. Yeah. And I correlated it with which Office character I am. Okay, apparently, we're out there. And I am a Phyllis.

Carrie 43:45
Really? I would have called you for a Pam any day. You're Pam!

Danie 43:52
100% you literally are Pam. You're an artist.

Nicole 43:57
My art is the best art of all the art

Danie 44:01
I think she has the best character arc in the whole story.

Nicole 44:05
You think so? I don't like her progression

Carrie 44:07
Adam disagrees with you so hard

Adam 44:09
That is so wrong she is one dimensional she's the same thing the entire time and then finally in the last season they try to like give her like this brooding whatever with the whole Jim, I think he's having an affair and

Danie 44:23
no but what about the season where she walks on the coals

Adam 44:28
there's the only time she was interesting in that yeah higher

Danie 44:31
No but she standing up for herself and speaking her mind

Adam 44:36
creed is the best character

Carrie 44:38
Creed's easily my least favorite.

Adam 44:41
you're fired

Carrie 44:42
bye

Danie 44:44
Robert California anybody?

Nicole 44:46
I hate him oh my gosh,

Danie 44:51
I like him for a lot of really, like I just think he lets, he wears his freak flag. He lets it fly. Yeah.

Carrie 45:00
Yes, he does. I don't hate that

Danie 45:03
Yeah. Who would you say I am? I feel like I'm kind of like a Jim.

Nicole 45:09
Well, we took the test. And remember who you

Danie 45:13
No I took Harry Potter. I'm Dumbledore.

Nicole 45:15
No, I checked your Office one, too, because I wrote down your thing. I was scared to tell you. You're a Michael.

Carrie 45:23
Whoa.

Danie 45:25
interesting

Adam 45:29
I was gonna say D'Angelo Vickers.

Danie 45:39
I could see all of that. I'm like Michael Scott, but less sexual harassment. Yes, please.

Nicole 45:43
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I can see that.

Carrie 45:47
Um, well. That got a little off topic. But that's okay. Because it was fun. Yeah. So if anyone wants to get on our socials and let us know who's They are on the office. Yes. And also maybe comment on our topic for the day. Whatever.

Danie 46:05
Or give carrie some tips, tell her how to make friends. Or just be her friend.

Carrie 46:10
Oh, that'd be nice

Nicole 46:11
By, on Patreon you can be our friend with different tiers.

Danie 46:14
Paid friend

Carrie 46:14
If you pay money I'll be a good friend of yours.

Danie 46:22
Oh man, where can they pay to be your friend carrie

Carrie 46:24
on Patreon at Women AF podcast Patreon.com, patreon. com forward slash

This is why I don't do this. You guys know you know how to find it. I don't have to explain it down to the forward slashes

Danie 46:42
But we will explain it for you.

Adam 46:43
All you have to say Carrie is check the show notes for the link

Carrie 46:47
Check the show notes! I'm going to get that tattooed on my arm. Check the show notes y'all. And on that note, we're Women AF we know you are too.

Women AF is produced by mortar box media and engineered by Adam Rostad intro and outro music is SqQZ by Shane ivers, check them out at Silvermansound.com and don't forget to subscribe and leave a review

Transcribed by https://otter.ai


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